Hows jokes

How do you tell if a blond is really stupid?

Put a scratch and sniff on a bleach pod.

Welcome to Jimmy's orphanage and pizza shop, where today's loss is a sauce. How may I help you?

How would you multiply numbers in octoschool?

You octoply, obviously.

How do you know if you have a high sperm count?

She chews before she swallows.

Guy is at athletic meet. Asks guy if he is a pole vaulter.

He replies, "No I am German and how did you know my name was Walter?"

How can you tell if Google is a girl?

It makes suggestions before you finish your sentence!

How many times do you tickle a squid before it laughs?

TEN-TICKLES

A man was shaving in the bathroom when all of a sudden Bubba, the boy he payed to mow his lawn, comes in to take a piss. The man can't help but look over his shoulder and he is surprised at how well endowed he is, and he asks: "Bubba, what's your secret?"

Bubba replies: "Well, every night before I get in bed with a woman I whack my dick on the bedpost three times. It works, and it sure impresses the girls!"

The man was excited at this easy suggestion and decided to try it that very night, before he went to bed with his wife. So he got to bed and whacked his dick on the bedpost three times and the wife wakes up and says "Bubba, is that you?"

How do you recover from prostate cancer surgery?

It’s all Depends!

How is everyone? I just started school. Sixth grade, yeah!

There was a guy how had a stroke, eh.

He's all right.

American: How do you use a PC?

Amish: We use a potato.

My infant drew on the walls today, but I don’t know how to punish them. So I think I’ll sleep on it.

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery.

boss: "We have to let you go."

surgeon: "I protest innocence."

boss: "How?"

surgeon: "I thought doing your job and saving people's lives were two different things."

boss: "Get out!"

One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. "Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!" the nun shouted.

The man walked over to the nun. "Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?" the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. "Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?" the man asked. The nun replied, "Okay, only one thing."

"What would you like?" asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. "How about a little gin?" the man concluded. "Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don't see what I'm drinking?" asked the nun.

"Fine," the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. "Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?" asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. "Don't tell me that damn nun is out there again!" the bartender said.

Sex is like show and tell: you show your pussy and dick, and then you tell each other how you feel.

How can you tell if a heterosexual man has been using a computer?

There is sperm on the screen.

I tried to think of how lighting works.

Then it struck me!

How does a kid with no arms or legs like a video on YouTube when they say smash the like button?

They literally smash the like button "uuuuuugghghhhgBANG!"

How many genders are there?

One, women are property.