Hows jokes
How do you get a million fowl?
You run through Africa with a bullet of water.
How do you get a black kid to stop jumping on your bed? Put velcro on the ceiling.
Yo momma's so fat, she doesn't know how to play bacon.
How can you tell if a man is straight? You don't have to, he will tell you.
Q: How do you turn a cat into a fish?
A: Tell the woman not to wash down there.
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
How do you kidnap Stephen Hawking?
Shut off his computer.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
I'd tell a joke about how my mom was abusive, but I either forgot everything, or she just wasn't there.
Why are orphans so skinny?
They never learned how to home cook.
What was the first thing Thanos snapped?
Loki’s neck.
How is sex like air?
It’s not a big deal unless you aren’t getting any.
How much does a chimney cost?
It's free cause it's on the house.
Short girl: "How do you see up there?"
Tall guy: "Who said that?"
I spit my drink out and then ran away.
How do Chinese people name their baby? They throw pots down the stairs: bing bong ching chong.
How do you say "fish" without the "i"?
Fsh
How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, they just sit in the dark and cry.
- The emo went to give the tree a high five, but the emo was left hanging.
- How did the gay person die? Homicide.
- Why did the emo get kicked out of the amusement park? He was cutting in line.
- When does a joke turn into a dad joke? When it leaves and never comes back.
- I cried when my dad chopped onions. Onions was such a good dog.
- I have happy memories building sandcastles with my dad, until my mom took his urn away.
- How is the person over there different from cancer? His dad didn't beat cancer.
How did Santa feel when he got stuck in the chimney?
Claus-trophobic.
Um, I need help. How should I deal with depression?
Joke: I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.