How do you circumcise a hillbilly?
Kick his sister in the jaw.
POV: Wine Taster in hell.
I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"
The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.
"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."
"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."
Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."
What's the scariest thing about white people in prison?
How rare they are.
How do you win a game of musical chairs? You steal the chair!
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
How does a computer spell Autocorrect
How did the flapjack feel when syrup was drizzled on him?
Butter.
How do stars get their name?
By a black hole because it's sueeeee!
Chuck Norris once said that he didn't like the plane he was riding in. Out of sadness, the plane committed suicide. How, you ask? Ask the Twin Towers.
How did Technoblade actually die?
He got stabbed!
Q/ how do you punish a blind person
A/ give them a gun and tell the its a hairdryer
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
Tell them to clap until their parents come home.
On a scale of Johnny Depp having an erectile dysfunction to Michael Jackson exposing himself in a child day care center, how hard is it to get into Oxford?
How many Polish people does it take to change a light bulb?
One. But you need 5000 Soviet troops in case he goes on strike!
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
How do you know Johnny Depp finished his meal?
When you see fifty empty bottles of wine on his front doorstep.
How many white guys does it take to screw a lightbulb?
None. They hire me to do it.
A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.
Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."
Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."
"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."
Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."
Blondes like their men how they like their rice: brown, 500 at a time, and all in her bowl.
When I die I want to have a piece of paper near me giving a clue on how I died, like, "I want everyone to miss me except for this bullet," or, "You didn't hang with me but guess what did?"
