How do stars die? Usually a overdose in an airport.
If someone calls you, reply with this: “Hi, this is Dave’s orphanage and pizzeria, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce! How may I assist you today?”
How come none of my friends have dungeons? Oddly enough, they all have "rape dungeons."
In History class, the teacher taught a lesson about serial killer Albert Fish. Back in the early 20th century, Fish reportedly kidnapped, ate, and raped over 100 kids. He mainly chose victims who were either retarded or black. Further on the lesson, the teacher explained how in those days, black people were socially not equal with white people, and how people with mental illness were not accepted and treated properly due to a lack of knowledge of mental health.
One of the students raised their hand and said, “You ought to be arrested.” The teacher confusedly asked, “Why?” The student explained, “Because you’re thinking like Albert Fish.”
How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the chin.
Sad to think about legend O.G. Mudbone being no longer with us.
I’m only curious how they closed his casket.
How are a bald eagle and a bald man similar?
Because they both have eyes.
How do you get rid of butterflies in your stomach?
Stop eating caterpillars.
How do you keep a bull from charging?
You take its credit card away.
How can you find out how old a cabbage is?
By looking at its cabbAGE.
On a scale of 8 to 10, how good do I look?
How did the other 18 COVIDs go unnoticed?
FICTIONAL BOOKS / AUTHORS
Outdoor Entertaining by Patty O.
Over the Mountaintop by Hugo First.
Plumbing for Idiots by Duane Pipes.
Music Theory by Amanda Lynn Player.
Meterology 101 By Wendy Reign and Sonny Daze.
Oh God By Dixie Rect.
Please Don't Stop By Craven Moorehead.
Life And Times Of A Porn Star By Dixie Normous.
Right Stuff By Dang Lin-Wang.
How To Take Care of Your Cat By Connie Lingus.
Right Way 2 Orgasm By Buster Cherry.
The Unwanted Child By Brooke N Rubbers.
How do you kill time?
Easy! Taking alarm clock and an assault rifle.
How to write a joke?
How did the coke seller react when someone told him a joke?
He CRACKed up.
How do you keep a moron in suspense?
I'll tell you tomorrow!
Teacher: Describe a penguin.
Student: Black, white, beak.
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan.
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, no family.
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow.
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes.
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
How much did the liver weigh?
It weighed a skeleTON.
Part 2: He walks up to a stake and nails himself there. Then he finds the knife and says to someone to find a cake to celebrate his death, but everybody came. That was the sign that nobody loved him, and that's how you know if people love you.
