How To jokes

I found out how to gain millions of followers.

Run through Africa with a bottle of water.

How to get into politics?

Fail art school.

Why are orphans bad at basketball?

They haven't learned how to keep the ball with them.

Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?

Because they don't know how to use the home button.

How to improve my beloved Penchester United in 5 easy steps:

1. Sell Casemeiro 🤑 2. Sell Pernandes 🤑 3. Sell Bencho 🤑 4. Sell Trashford 🤑 5. Terminate penaldo 🤑 6. Make Mctominay extend his deal 📝

These came down deep from my heart. Don’t let me down again, please.

Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"

Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."

Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."

Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."

My last thought: Am I a murderer?

My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.

How to commit arson:

1. Burn down an orphanage.

I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.

I made a house for orphans and...

they had no clue how to use it.

Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."

Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."

Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."

Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.

How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?

The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.

Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

How to decorate a wall:

Strip off the paper and original plaster.

Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.

Paint it (if you want).

Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.

Why did God create women before men?

He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.

I once saw a noose joke.

I wanna know how to make one :D

How to not exist: Kys.

How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!