How To jokes
Why can't orphans operate Apple devices?
Because they don't know how to use the home button.
How to catch Bigfoot: 1. Dig a large pit. 2. Build a fire in the pit and let it burn all the way to ashes. 3. Place small green peas all around the rim of the pit. 4. Hide in the bushes and wait. When Bigfoot goes to take a pea, kick him in the ash hole.
How to get into politics?
Fail art school.
Grandfather's last words: "Stop shaking the ladder, you cunt!"
Grandmother's last words: "You know how to use that hammer."
Dad's last words: "Always aim before you shoot that gun."
Mom's last words: "Turn off the stove when you're done."
My last thought: Am I a murderer?
Do you know how to make 4 Albanians stand on a shoebox?
Just tell them that it floats.
My friend put an action toy and called it Kobe and put it on a drone. I realized that my friend didn't know how to fly a drone.
How to commit arson:
1. Burn down an orphanage.
I have depression, but I don't know how to show it in feelings.
I made a house for orphans and...
they had no clue how to use it.
Man: "I know how to please a woman." Woman: "Then please leave me alone."
Man: "I want to give myself to you." Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."
Man: "Your hair color is fabulous." Woman: "Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store."
Man: "You look like a dream." Woman: "Go back to sleep."
Man: "I can tell that you want me." Woman: "Yes, I want you to leave."
Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?" Woman: "Do not enter. -OR- Stop."
Man: "Your body is like a temple." Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."
Man: "Is this seat empty?" Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."
Man: "What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar?" Woman: "I hate you."
Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?" Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."
Hey girl, are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock.
How to treat someone who’s lesbian, gay, queer, transgender or bisexual?
The same way that you would treat anybody else, you homophobic bastard.
Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?
Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.
Someone stole my mood ring. I don't know how to feel about that.
How to decorate a wall:
Strip off the paper and original plaster.
Put on fresh plaster and wallpaper.
Paint it (if you want).
Send a bill to North America and wait patiently for a reply.
I once saw a noose joke.
I wanna know how to make one :D
How to make white ice cream red... blend a baby into it!
Why did God create women before men?
He didn’t want any advice on how to do it.
How to not exist: Kys.
Bro never learned how to play Jenga. 🙄