Jack and Jill went up the hill to get to the house. They turned the lights out. Jill shouts, "It's a dildo, WTF?"
House Jokes
Why did the dumb blonde take a shower outside of the house while it was raining?
Because the dumb blonde did not pay the water bill!
Prince, do you love that girl Gwen more than me? Remember when you were at my house?
Stephen Hawking was in a house fire. When he got out, people called him "Hot Wheels."
What is an orphan's least favorite TV show?
"Full House."
She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.
Someone burgled my house the other day. It was terrible.
They ripped all of the front and back pages of my dictionaries. Things went from bad to worse.
BREAKING NEWS
All the desert regions in the world are now considered lush rainforests. They house many different species of life and have significantly helped with the constant carbon dioxide emissions.
The reason why is because... Your texts are so dry.
Why does rapeboat like going to the dog shelter? It's cheaper than a whore house.
I always loved going to Bill Cosby's house; he always greeted me when I woke up with "Rapey-rapey, eggs and bakey."
Grandma: calls You: Hello Grandma, what are you doing? Why, you can't mean I'm right in the house right now? Grandma: I didn't mean to call you, bye.
Have you ever stepped in Stephen Hawking's house?
Neither has he.
Q: What did the sign say on the whore house?
A: Beat it, we're closed.
A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"
The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."
I used to have a girlfriend who would argue with me a lot for no reason. I look at her feet and say to her, "Here is £15, give yourself a foot pedicure, then come back to me. It clearly shows you have man feet. You are a woman; you should have woman feet. No wonder you boss me around too much as if you're the man of the house."
It's really funny, read through everything slowly.
Say "I'm a man" after everything I say.
I went to the bar. "I'm a man." You saw this woman. "I'm a man." You guys married. "I'm a man." You guys bought a house. "I'm a man." You guys went to bed. "I'm a man," you said. "I'm a man," she said. "I'm a man."
What is the difference between a house and a car? A car can drive and a house can not drive.
One day Billy, Bob, and Doo Da went fishing in a small boat. None of them could swim, and they had no life jackets.
Doo Da suddenly started yelling, "I got one boys!" as he started trying to reel the fish in. It was way too large for him to get onto the boat, and he fell into the water. The fish had a nice meal that night. Billy and Bob were in shock but knew they had to tell Mrs. Doo Da.
Upon arriving at her house, they did rock, paper, scissors on who had to tell her the news. Bob lost. He slowly rang the doorbell, and Mrs. Doo Da answered. "U-uhm.. we...Doo D-Da..f-fish..." Bob stuttered, then he screamed and ran off. Billy went to go retrieve his friend. Billy had a nice little talk with him and slapped him across the face to get him to just say what happened. Soon, the two men returned to Mrs. Doo Da's house and rang the doorbell again. She opened the door and looked at the two men and asked, "I've been trying to call Doo Da, and he hasn't answered, is he ok?" Bob took a deep breath and took a step forward with a smile on his face. He sang, "We went fishing, guess who died, Doo Da, Doo Da. He smiled and he said good bye, we mourn Doo Da today."
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Stranger.
Stranger who?
Stranger, why are you in my house masticating my apparent dead wife?
I found an alien in my backyard. I put him to work. He went to a farm, and I never saw him again. Moments later, he is on the Daily Planet acting as a reporter. A green rock smashed my house. I called him back, and he passed out.
I remarked, "You lazy!"
