Hospital jokes
What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?
Her Miscarriage.
DARK ALERT********
A girl went to the doctor. The doctor said she had one year to live. She shot the doctor, and the judge gave her 15 years.
DARK ALERT********
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
How do you start a dance party?
Go into the PTSD ward of an insane asylum and set off fireworks and watch the magic unfold.
Did you know hospitals have an entire wing for free dead babies? It’s called the abortion center.
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
"I have good and bad news," the doctor said to his patient.
"Give me the good news first," the patient said.
"Your test results are back," the doctor said, "and you have only two days to live."
"That's the good news?" the patient exclaimed. "What's the bad news?"
"I've been trying to reach you for two days."
Doctor: I'm sorry, but you still have 10 seconds left.
Man: What?! What about my family?! My son is still missing! I can't just leave like that!
Doctor: Don't worry sir, I told your family.
Man: That's... great... if they found my son, tell them that I love him more than anything and I couldn't keep that promise.
The doctor watches the man closing his eyes while tears fell down from his eyes.
Doctor: I will... dad...
Tq for reading my crappy joke.
A man wakes up from his operation, and the doctor says, "I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?"
The man says, "Bad," so the doctor says, "During the surgery, your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man."
The man says, "What’s the good then?" And the doctor says, "I’m picking her up at 7."
What’s pink, black and has 17 nipples?
A trash can behind the cancer ward.
Question: What’s bald and is in a straight line?
Answer: The cancer ward. 😵😂😂
I got kicked out of the hospital for saying, "Stay Positive," to the corona patients.
The day after Chuck Norris was born, he drove his mom home from the hospital.
How many gay guys does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Just one... But it takes the entire emergency room to take it out.
The cancer patient asked the doctor how many more months he had to live. The doctor replied, "Tu-more."
You know your doctor is gay when he asks you to touch your toes, and then you feel a rub on your back and a tickle on your anus.
Why does the nurse need a red pen?
In case she has to draw blood.
Did you hear about the new Pixar movie? It's about cancer patients. It's called "Finding Kemo."
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.