Hospital jokes
I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.
Q: Why did the fly go to the hospital?
A: For the doctor to make it get "butter!"
One time, I took my wife to the doctors. My wife had a severe migraine and needed a medic. I waited for about 10 minutes.
The doctor walked out with my wife in a wheelchair. "Due to your wife's broken hip, she may never walk again," said the doctor. "She had a migraine," I said. "Oh, we know," said the doctor.
We wrote letters to a kid with cancer. My letter read, "It's a bumpy road but soon you will have a straight path." People didn't realize it was meant for his heart monitor.
My friend showed me his broken finger, and I said, "JESUS!" He said his name is Jake.
I need to go to the hospital because I'm getting shot by a PUN.
What's Juice Wrld's favorite salad? A seizure salad.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
Where do you take Stephen Hawking: to the hospital, or PC World?
When you donate a kidney, you are a total hero, everyone loves you.
When you donate five kidneys though, people start yelling, the police gets called--sheesh!
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you're signing someone's cast.
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
Man with cancer: How much time do I have left?
Doctor: Ten.
Man: Weeks? Months? Days?
Doctor: Nine, eight, seven...
A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."
How do you throw a surprise party at the hospital?
Throw a strobe light in the epileptic ward.
Male Patient: So I just pull my pants down and bend over for my prostate exam.
Doctor: Yup.
Male: Ok I'm ready....hey doc that doesn't feel like a finger.
Doctor: He he yeah...im not a doctor.
So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”
A 9-year-old girl lies on a hospital bed struggling to breathe as she waits for the doctor to come.
The doctor finally comes, and the little girl can breathe much easier after he pulls his cock out of her mouth.
Why doesn’t Joe Biden visit children with cancer in hospitals?
Because he can’t sniff their hair.