Horror jokes
Wanna hear something bad? A pile of dead babies.
Wanna hear something worse? The one at the bottom is still alive.
Wanna hear something worse than that? He has to eat his way out.
Wanna hear something that's the worst? He comes back for seconds.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
What does a dyslexic zombie eat? Brian's, hahahahaha!
Have you heard of the new sequel to "The Exorcist"?
A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son.
You call it a burning orphanage. I call it FNAF lore.
What's worse than a dead baby?
A pile of dead babies.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of the pile is still alive.
What's worse than that?
The baby at the bottom of pile is eating its way out.
Your mama is so ugly, she tried summoning Candyman, but he refused to come!
Someone was throwing Stephen King books at everyone. I had no idea why though...
Then IT hit me.
Q: How can you tell if a vampire is sick?
A: By how much he's coffin.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
How many children can you fit in a box?
Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.
"Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.... All the king's horses and all the king's men, COULDN'T PUT HUMPTY TOGETHER AGAIN."
"Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all
Rock-a-bye, baby on the treetop when the wind blows the cradle will rock
when the bough breaks the cradle will fall and down will come baby cradle and all"
Anyone else finding the hidden horror in these?
What's worse than a pile of dead babies?
One at the bottom that's still alive.
What's worse than that?
It's forced to eat its way out.
What's even worse than that?
It comes back for seconds.
How many babies does it take to light up a basement?
I don't know, my basement is still dark.
A vampire stalks you into a field of corn. The stakes have never been higher...
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing, but when I did it, people just looked horrified.
What do you call a zombie?
Nothing because zombies aren’t real, and if they were, you would be dead.
Which scary movie did the bear refuse to watch?
The Bear Witch Project.
Are you a haunted house? Because I’m going to scream when I’m in you! 😫
Your mama so fat, when Pennywise said, "We all float down here," he saw her and suddenly knew he was mistaken.