Horror jokes
What's worse than a truck full of dead babies? One alive at the bottom.
What's terrible? Three dead babies nailed to one tree.
What's worse than that? One dead baby nailed to three trees.
This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
I gave my blind friend a piece of sandpaper. He said it was the most gruesome book ever.
Q: How many dead babies does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: I don't know, there are twenty in my basement, and my basement light still isn't fixed.
"What's worse than 10 dead babies stapled to a tree?"
"What?"
"1 dead baby stapled to 10 trees!"
Do you ever wonder why Michael from Halloween likes his mask so much? It's because he ad-Myers it.
What do vegetarian zombies eat?
Graaaaiins.
What's the most horrifying video in the world?
Logan Paul vlogs.
There's a truck full of babies. What's worse than that? One baby being alive. What's worse than that? That baby having to eat its way out. What's worse than that? That same baby coming back from seconds.
What's worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you?
Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before...
What's the difference between putting a baby and a pizza in an oven?
The pizza doesn't scream in the oven.
What is worse than a baby getting hanged in a tree?
That same baby getting hanged in multiple trees.
What's a skeleton's favorite instrument?
A tromboner.
What do you call vampire Matt Damon?
Bat Damon!
I went down to my fridge to grab my dinner. I said to the children, "Who's next?"
Yo mama is so ugly, she gave Michael Myers nightmares.
Lemme tell you a little story.
It’s night. You’re in your room, trying to sleep. But you keep hearing it—scratching. Soft at first. Like fingernails on wood. You tell yourself it’s rats, or the house settling. But it keeps going. Slow... then faster.
So finally, you get outta bed. You get on your hands and knees, put your ear to the floor. And you hear it. A voice. Whispers. Crying.
Your heart’s pounding. You grab a crowbar. You pry up the floorboards. One by one. Your sweat’s dripping into the dust. The noise gets louder.
And finally... you peel back the last plank.
And you see these eyes. Wide and terrified. And a pale little face staring up at you.
BOOOOOOO!!!!
It’s Anne Frank.
What's the grossest thing ever?
A bag of dead babies.
What's even more gross?
The bottom one is still wriggling!