Home jokes
Why did the orphan start crying?
Because his apple found a home in his stomach.
What was the orphan's first video game console?
PS5 because it has no home button.
If orphans made phones, it wouldn't have a home button.
Why do orphans eat cereal without milk?
Because their dad never came home from the store.
Kid: My parents want to meet you, you wanna come over?
Orphan: Na, I'm good. I'm going to watch Home Alone. It's the only movie that I can think of that's related to me.
Why are orphans terrible at baseball? They never get home runs.
Called a homeless kid 'Spider-Man' because he had no way home.
My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.
You're so poor that when you walked into an elevator, you thought it was a mobile home.
A poor person came up to me and said, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
So this dude comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network.
The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can't cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can't f*ck."
Did you hear about the orphan who ran away from home?
Wait a minute! What am I talking about?
What's one thing a homing missile can't kill?
An orphan.
What do you call a house party for slaves?
An auction house.
I lit a retirement home on fire so that all the seniors can be cremated for free.
All orphans must hate the LGBTQIA+ because they are home-o-phobic.
Americans prefer houses with basements. In fact, they're best cellars!
A man was taking a child into a dark forest.
The child said, "I'm scared!"
The man replied, "Well I have to walk home alone."
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.
Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”
“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
The little girl's dad was Jewish and her mom was Catholic. Mom had been taking the little girl to church every Sunday.
One Sunday, during High Mass, the little girl whispers to her mom, “Mom, can we go home now?”
“No honey, not yet,” replied the mother, “the Mass is only half over.”
“Then we can go now, Mom. I'm half Jewish.”