Home Jokes

One day I was with my mom and we had no money on the credit card, and we live far, and my mom was hungry.

A guy and his friend had a car and asked us if we were lost. We said no, we have no ride, no money, and my mom is hungry. So the guy would take us for a blowjob each, so I was driving the car and my mom gave both guys a blowjob. We had to get out of the car to look for something, then the two guys went in the car and told us we got bad news and good news. I asked what the bad news was. They said that they're not taking us home, so I asked what the good news was. They told me that they fed my mom and drove off. I guess where they left us wasn't a long walk and my mom wasn't hungry anymore.

Welcome to Peyton's Orphanage, where you make it, we take it!

Me: What do we need from there? I have a few things to do before I head out to the store, and then I will be home to pick up the stuff.

Random person: What stuff? 🤨

Me: What?

The person: You said you’re going to pick up “the stuff”!!! What do you mean by that?!

Me: Colourful flamingo fart.

I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.

I know an orphan named Zara, and he has never had homemade food.

What food has an orphan made?

Homemade food.

Why are orphans bad at baseball?

They can't find home.

Me when my girlfriend comes home, I check her phone and there are 100 texts from a different guy asking her out, and her text says yes.

Get the whip, you're out!

There's one shop orphans can't go to, but what is it?

Home Depot.

I was walking past an orphan and I said, "Just go home."

Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.

Why did the orphan cry when he got back home?

Because he did not have one.

Q: How do you know if an Asian broke into your house?

A: All your homework and the Rubik's cube you spent a year on and still can’t solve is solved. 🤓🤓🤓🤓

The bears came home. Daddy bear said, "Who's been eating my porridge?" said, "Who's been in my porch?" Baby bear said, "Never mind about the porridge, who knocked the telly?"

Why can’t orphans build anything?

Because they can’t go to Home Depot.

A mother and son were in the backyard, and the son finished building a shed. The mother says, "You're the best husband ever."

I left my Avatar at home today.

Why is an orphan's favorite movie Spider-Man: No Way Home?

What do you do when your cat's not home?

Answer: You play with your neighbor's pussy.

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they can’t find home.