What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?
They both leave the little kids' room with empty sacks.
Why is Santa's sack so big? Because he only comes once a year.
What did the kid who has no arms get for Christmas?
He couldn't even open it.
I went on a ballooning holiday recently. I put on four stone.
Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
What do you get when you cross a turkey and a centipede?
Drumsticks for everyone!
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas. I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because there is no Mother's or Father's Day.
What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
What's yellow and can't swim? My mom on Halloween.
In Home Alone, if the kid was an orphan, it would just be called "Alone."
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating!
How do mountains get big?
They go trick-or-treating.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Santa Claus gave a child a bike and a football. The child wasn’t happy. Why?
He had no legs.
Who gave Jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa Claus!
Why did the lion say, "I'm faster than you," to the cheetah?
Because it was Halloween!
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
