New Holiday Jokes - Page 10 - Worst Jokes Ever

My friend asks for a turkey burger on 4th of July. I say, "That's Thanksgiving, man!"

What do a priest and a Christmas tree have in common? They both like fairies sitting on them.

This guy tried to kill me, and I asked, "What is this? Friday the Thirteenth?" Michael replied, "Nah, it's Halloween."

During the holidays in the fruit bowl, the orange walked up to the banana and said "Berry Christmas!"

How can you help a llama on holiday?

Alpaca your bags.

I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.

I love it when candy canes are in mint condition.

What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?

Santa stops at 3 hoes.

Why did the turkey cross the road?

Because it was the Chicken's day off!

Guess what I got from my uncle this Christmas. -herpes

Christmas special

Me: Can you describe Mrs. Claus in 3 words? Santa: Ho ho ho.

What do you call an elf that sings? A Wrapper.

What is a pedophile's favorite job?

The mall santa.

what’s the difference between grandma getting ran over by a reindeer,and a poor kids parents getting ran over by military tractors?When grandma got ran over by a reindeer,the kids actually gave a shit.

What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa? Klaustrophobic

You wanna know what I want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

So Santa fell down the chimney, but it was a lit chimney...his name's no longer Santa. It's Crisp Cringle. Pls send help :)

To start im a big fella in size.

I saw a skinny guy act like Santa so I went over to him. "You can't pull that off" I said. He said "then you try it". He gave me the Santa suit and I dressed up. He walked by and saw me with 45 kids in line to sit on my lap and tell me what they wanted for Christmas.

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas, my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved... and shot her.