Holiday jokes
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Father's Day is a dad joke.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
Joe Mama so fat that when Santa came to our house he said, "Ho ho HOLY SHIT, she damn thick."
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.