Holiday

Holiday jokes

Ghost

    • I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.

    Pickpocket

    • Three men met on a nude beach. Two of the three men were happy, but the third was sad.

    The three men broke into a conversation. The topic eventually reached the men's jobs, and why they were at the beach.

    "I'm a construction worker," said the first man. "All year long I toil in the sun in very heavy clothes, so this seemed like the perfect vacation for me. If I can relax and do it naked, that's a win-win."

    "I'm an accountant," said the second man. "I just like how everyone here is dressed exactly the same."

    The first two men turned to the third, sad man. "What do you do?" they asked.

    "I'm a pickpocket," said the third man. "My doctor sent me here."

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    • Santa

    • You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

    How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

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    • Kid

    • Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?

    Because they're the ones who made the toys.

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    • Mama

    • Your mama is so fat when Santa went down the chimney he said, "Ho, ho, ho, holy shit, you're fatter than me, bitch!"

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    • Orphan

    • Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year? Because they don’t have a Mother’s and Father’s Day.

    Gift

    • It’s Christmas and Sally has a gift. She got a Barrie. Just kidding, she still hasn’t opened it.

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    • School shooting

    • Why are school shootings branded “very American”?

    1. They usually happen in the USA.

    2. They’re like the Fourth of July: there’s a lot of loud banging and kids screaming.

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    • Orphan

    • Teacher: What is your least favorite holiday?

    Orphan: National Forgive Your Mom And Dad Day.

    Teacher: Why is that your least favorite?

    Orphan: Because I don't have any parents to forgive.

    Teacher: *tries to hold back* HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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