What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Your mom is so fat Santa Claus came down and said, "Ho ho holy shit!"
What pizza 🍕 do you order for Christmas?
Cheeses Crust!
Englishman: We named our son George since he was born on Saint George's Day.
Irishman: We called our daughter Valentine since she was born on Valentine's Day.
Scotsman: We named our son Pancake because he was born on Pancake Day!
What happens if you play with Santa’s ball? You get a white Christmas.
I’m back and have a joke my friend said!
Person 1: My brother's Halloween costume is so ugly.
Person 2: What was it?
Person 1: He went as himself.
Q: Why did the emo kid get jealous on Xmas?
A: He saw the ornaments hanging.
Who comes once a year and makes your kids cry?
Rapey Santa.
Yo mama so ugly, when Santa saw her, he said, "Ho, ho, hole shit!"
If I don't get a bf by the end of this month, Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging from the roof.
What's the difference between family and cats...
Cats won't abuse you at Christmas.
What do you call a winter time contact?
A Santa Claus.
What do elephants drink on vacation?
Peanut coladas.
Why do orphans go on holiday?
To see what family is like.
Why is Santa so happy? He knows where all the naughty girls and ho ho hos live.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
Two gays are getting ready for Christmas... They are expecting a big package in the mail!
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! 😂😂😂
