Why was everybody so tired on April 1st? Because they just finished a March of 31 days!
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Terrier.
Terrier who?
Your Halloween decorations are terri-fying!
Merry Christmas, my fellow hoes!
I'm so excited for Christmas Pudding... Pudding these nuts in your mouth.
So I stayed at home for Halloween when I suddenly hear a knock on my door. I open and I see Penandes! I was confused and asked him why he does not wear a costume, and he said he doesn't need to.
Then I realized that he's a ghost and gave him 3 candies. Enjoy the candies Pruno!
You're so ugly, you have trick-or-treat on the phone!
What do you call a snowman that lives in Halloween? Snoween!
I killed 5 zombies and stabbed a vampire with a steak, and then I started to wonder why they were carrying bags of candy.
Orphans' calendar consists of 362 days. Why?
Because they don't got homecoming, fathers day, and mothers day
Tis the season to be spooky.
It's Christmas morning, and all the decorations are done, but the tree looks like it's missing something. *grabs the noose*
What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common? They both let little kids sit on their lap.
On the 12th day of Christmas Peo Pessi gave to me:
12 tap ins
11 pointless dribbles
10 fixed league titles
9 missed penalties
8-2
6 dives
500 million robbed from Barca
4 UCL semi losses
3 times he blamed Higuain
2 retirements
And a transfer to a farmers league.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
Everyone: So, wait, let me get this straight. Feminists want to cancel Father's Day because it is offensive to single mothers.
Feminists: Correct.
Everyone: Then what the f*** is the point of Mother's Day?
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
What do orphans call a holiday?
A bit of soil and some leaves as a blanket.
What is a pedophile's favorite part about Halloween?
Free delivery.
Halloween! The day nobody questions the bodies dangling in your tree!
There's a white guy, black guy, and Santa Claus. They get a hotel room.
White guy goes in room first and sees money on the table and he picks it up. A ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off your weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Black guy goes in the room, sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears and says, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." He gets scared and jumps out the window.
Santa Claus goes in the room sees the money and picks it up. Ghost appears, "Put down my money or I'll cut off you're weiner." Santa Claus looks at the ghost and says "I'm the ghost of Christmas past, you touch my dick I'll kick your ass!"
