Holiday jokes
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.
You look pretty today... April Fools!
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!
If things don't get better, the Christmas lights won't be the only thing hanging.
What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.
What do Christmas decorations and dead people have in common?
They both hang from a tree!
What did the orphan ask Santa for? A good family.
How long was the owl trick or treating?
Owl night long!
Why does the emo hate Christmas?
The ornaments get hanged, and they don't.
Father's Day is a dad joke.