Holiday jokes
Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I was spending my holiday in Paris with my gf. As we were walking near the city, a meteor hit and killed my gf.
Forensics did an autopsy on the corpse and concluded that someone missed a pen and hit my gf from the PSG training ground. SHAME ON YOU PESSI FOR RUINING MY LIFE! 🤬😡
Why do orphans only have 354 days?
'Cause they are missing Mothers and Fathers day!
What did the orphan want for Christmas?
Parents.
Why does an orphan’s calendar only have 363 days?
There are no Father’s or Mother’s Days on their calendar.
An Eskimo was holidaying in New Zealand and while driving his rented car around the countryside it broke down. A bloke passing by offered to help, lifted the bonnet and said, "I know your problem, you blew a seal."
The Eskimo with a shocked expression retorted, "Yeah? Well you fuck sheep!"
What is the true meaning of Christmas?
Stealing presents from orphans - a quote by Technoblade.
It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.
He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."
But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"
Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."
Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"
(Santa winks at you)
Son, why do I not have an Easter basket?
Mom, you're 23, you don't need one. Ends calls, child support.
I killed a man, but it was April Fools'!
Little Johnny woke up at midnight on Christmas Eve to Santa with his pants down on top of his mom. He then said, "Ho ho OH YEAH!!!"
Santa Claus gives a child a bike. The child was mad. Why? He had no legs.
Why do emo kids love dressing up on Halloween so much?
It's their last holiday for them, but at least they're still hanging on...
What did the orphan get for Christmas? Nothing, they haven't got family.
You look pretty today... April Fools!
What's the difference between Jesus and Christmas tree lights?
They can both flash.
What do people get for Christmas when they behave badly? They get coal. Why coal, you're probably saying, because the true meaning is cucks of all kinds.
Why are there only 363 days in an orphan's calendar?
They don’t have fathers or Mother’s Day.
Why can’t Santa have kids?
He only cums once a year.
You're an orphan and blind. You have cancer. You will die in 3 days. Merry Xmas!