Ever wondered why Chinese kids don’t believe in Santa?
They made the toys.
I love it when your parents come round for Christmas, I just wish we couldn't hear them through the ceiling.
What is a animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?
A white elephant.
Why does Santa have three gardens?
So he can Hoe Hoe Hoe!
What's a pedophile's favorite part of Halloween? Free delivery.
So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”
Santa claws have a child a bike and a football the child wasn’t happy why
He had no legs
Who gave jesus his birthday presents every year?
Santa clause!
if an emo doesn't get better by Christmas Santas reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year
What are the similarities between an emo and some Christmas lights?
They are both going to be hanging from a tree.
If an orphan tells you there's 365 days in a year, tell them for you it's only 363 days because you skip Father's Day and Mother's Day.
What's the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?
They both hang...
What's the one thing me and the New Year's ball have in common?
It's not gonna be the only thing falling 50 stories this New Year's.
last christmas i took a picture of your mom
Its still printing
Wanna ride a reindeer for Christmas? *rubs my antlers on you*
So I got my son a trampoline for Christmas this year and he was so ungrateful like he just sat there crying in his wheelchair. What has this world come to
Note to self.
When baking for the holidays, don't Google "creampies".
Google "cream pie recipes".
I told my mother I wanted a brother for Christmas. The next day, I saw her in the strip club across the street.
Where did the pig go on holiday?
Snout and about.
One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. - Santa? he asks. 'Why are you early, it is not even christmas?' - ho, ho. Don't worry about me. Lets worry about you instead' says Santa. What is the problem my friend?' - I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house.' Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i'll give it to you-' Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!
