Holiday jokes
Q: Why was the depressed kid sad on Christmas?
A: They weren't hanging like the ornaments on a tree.
Are you winter? Because you will be coming soon.
What did the woman with no hands get for Christmas? No idea. She hasn't opened her present yet.
Halloween joke:
What do you get when you cross a vampire with a teacher?
A blood test.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in a year?
Because they don't have Mother's and Father's day.
Orphans have 363 days on a calendar because they don't have Mothers' or Fathers' Day.
Your chin is where I went on ski vacation.
What's the best part of a terrorist on Fourth of July?
The finale.
Yo mama so old.
Her first Christmas... was the first Christmas!
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
Why did the skeleton not go to the party?
If you are depressed, eat Panera Bread. It is so yummy yum yyum yum yum yum.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Feliz Navidad Prospero Ano y Felicidad.
I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas I wanna wish you a Merry Christmas From the bottom of my heart.
Your breath is so bad that when Santa came to your house for your present, he brought toothpaste.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where the naughty girls live!
My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.
What do orphans get at Xmas?
Lonely.
Why do orphans only have 363 days in the year?
Because they don’t have a Mother's nor Father’s Day.
Why did the orphan get arrested for identity theft?
He dressed up as Batman for Halloween.
Why do orphans hate Christmas?
Father Christmas isn’t a thing.
I am going to be a ghost for Halloween. I actually want to be a ghost every day, because at least I'd be dead.