Hit jokes
Obama, Trump, and Clinton are on the Titanic. The ship hits the iceberg and is going down.
Obama: "This is terrible! We've got to do something -- save the women and children!"
Trump: "Screw the women and children!"
Clinton: "Do you think we have time...?"
Orphans and punching bags are almost the same.
They both get hit, but a punching bag is still wanted.
What did Dom Toretto say about the tree Paul Walker hit?
"Family strong, but not that strong."
Why are orphans bad at baseball? Because they can't hit home runs.
What did Chris Brown say the first time he saw Rihanna?
I’d hit that.
Why is my plane delayed?
Because someone hit the Sears Tower.
My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"
What is worse than a baby spinning at a hundred miles per hour on a washing line?
Hitting it off with a cricket bat.
Why can't Michael Jackson play baseball?
He made a hit and run!
A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.
After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.
"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.
"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.
"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.
"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.
The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.
"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.
"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.
"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.
"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.
You know I would tell you a 9/11 joke, but it just doesn’t hit the spot.
A robber robbed a bank and ran into the road and got hit by a car.
The cops said to him, "That's CARma for you!"
Pro tip: How to not hit your thumb with a hammer, make your child hold the nail.
Two men walk into a bar, and they both hit their heads.
What do you do when your dishwasher stops working?
Hit your wife harder.
If a blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who would hit the ground first?
The brunette, because the blonde would have to stop and ask for directions!
Girls are like blackjack.
I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.
What was David Bowie’s last hit?
Probably heroin.
I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it hit me!
Why does Wet have a big head? Because he got hit by a wetaroid!