Hit jokes
A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.
Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.
Titanic hit a dimetrodon.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
The parents used to hit him.
His parents got into a car crash and died.
He became an orphan in an orphanage. The people there hit him. He looked up and said "Parents?"
If you punch an orphan, what are they going to do? Tell their parents?
Why can’t orphans have an iPhone?
Because they can’t hit the home button.
Why do orphans not tell when they get hit?
Because who are they gonna tell, their mom?
What hits the ground first, the feather or the emo?
The feather, because the emo is hung in the tree.
Why do orphans get offended by dark humor?
It doesn’t hit home.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather?
The feather.
The rope stopped the kid.
So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog.
When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
Say _______ is so flat that when someone hit them, they got a paper cut!
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
UGHHHHHHH TODAY WAS TERRIBLE! My wife got hit by a bus!!! And I lost my job as a bus driver!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got hit by a truck... On the plus side, my truck doesn't even have a dent.
I was anonymous with the previous jokes. I will now go by "I can fly! *falls*."
What's black and white and red all over? A mime I hit with my car.
Have any of you guys heard the classic airplane jokes? Here's a good example...
A farmer, a doctor, and a terrorist are on a plane. An engine fails, and they are going to crash, so the pilot asks everyone to throw out some items. The farmer threw out his apple harvest, the doctor threw out medical supplies, and the terrorist, (not needing a bomb apparently) threw out his briefcase of bombs. They still crashed, and they started walking to the nearest town. They passed a boy who was running. "Why are you running?"
"My dad got hit by a shiny red object and now he's bleeding!"
They three of them decide it's best to keep quiet, and continue. They then passed a crying girl, who said that her brother had been killed by a scalpel from heaven. They said nothing and continued. Finally, they see a boy laughing so much he is in tears. They ask him, "What's so funny?"
"Grandma farted and the house blew up!"
What does Santa say for the toys to go to bed?
"Time to hit the sack!"
I'd hit you, but I don't want to go to jail for animal abuse.
What’s the speed limit in bed?
It’s 68. Once you hit 69, you have to turn back around.