Hit jokes

A Chinese drunk and a Jewish drunk are sitting together on a park bench.

After finishing his drink, the Jew takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Chinese drunk.

"What the hell was that for?" asks the Chinese man, rubbing his head.

"That was for Pearl Harbor!" replies the Jewish drunk.

"Pearl Harbor? That was the Japanese! I'm Chinese!" he exclaims in return.

"Eh, Chinese, Japanese, Korean... you're all the same to me," the Jewish man explains as he gets up to leave.

The next day, the two drunks are back on the same park bench. The Chinese drunk suddenly takes his bottle and smashes it over the head of the Jew.

"Why the hell did you do that?" the Jewish man stammers.

"That was for the Titanic!" explains the Chinese drunk.

"The Titanic? What are you talking about? No one attacked it, it sunk when it hit an iceberg!" the Jew replies.

"Eh, Iceberg, Goldberg, Greenberg... you're all the same to me," the Chinese drunk happily retorts.

If I called you gay, you would probably hit me with your purse.

Why did Hitler get hit by a baseball?

Because he did nazi it coming!

If a cat hits you with her tail, is it considered being pussy whipped?

A man walks into a bar and ends up with a concussion.

Maybe if he looked where he was going, he wouldn’t have hit that pole.

A man was hitting a woman with his d*ck. Someone ran up to the man and said, "That's domestic violence!" The man replied with, "No, it's not domestic violence, it's dumbass-d*ck violence!"

One day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. She picks it up.

"Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby?"

Sally says, "No, she's upstairs with Uncle John."

"Uncle John? I don't know an Uncle John."

"No, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy."

"No, I'm sure there's no one named Uncle John in our family."

"Okay, but why did you call?" Says Sally.

"Ummm, no reason, just tell mommy that daddy's pulling into the driveway right now."

"Okay daddy!"

*long pause*

"Okay daddy! I did it!"

"Great job Sally! What did she say?"

"Mommy said OH FU.. and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. She's now resting it looks like... then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter..."

Then dad replies "Swimming pool? We don't have a... is this 468-1843?"

Why can't Juice WRLD hit rock bottom?

Because he's too high.

The next time I knock on your door, I'll hit you instead of the door.

Girls are like blackjack.

I always want 21 but end up hitting on 14.

My teacher got so mad at me for making 9/11 jokes, she hit me twice and I said, "Damn, got hit twice!"

Today I was asked what I wanted to be, and I said I wanted to be a pinata because I want to be hanged.

When you're sad, hit an orphan.

What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

What hits the ground first, an apple or an emo girl?

The rope would catch her.

🎵Penaldo Thrills🎵

C’mon c’mon turn the VAR on.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

Gotta dive and cry some more.

It's Penalty time and it won't be long.

‘Til I Hit the floor and dive alot.

Cry some more and dive alot. That all I need, because I got u my love, Penalty.

He said he like Neymar so HIT THAT BOY LIKE FROM THE BACK!

Q: Why can't pilots play Jenga?

A: Because they will just hit the Twin Towers.

My sister told me only onions make you cry, so I always hit her back when she hit me, but I hit her with a shoe only to catch her cry.

I hit something when I pulled into my driveway.

And then I noticed that my cat was missing.

Hit 'em with the 1, 2, Jeffery Dahmer!