Him jokes
An Emo walked up to a tree and put his hand up for a high-five.
But the tree left him hanging.
Why does Aaron like men? Because his dad beats him.
Organise my brother's bucks party and got confused when he asked for a hot 22 year old for I brought him 20 two yr Olds....
Good thing my brother's a little bit different.
The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!
My friend was in Afghanistan when he saw someone got shot, and then they bombed him. Now he called them the "Talkwakers."
My friend said that his book was getting boring and that he's gonna kill off some characters.
I asked him what his book was about and he said, "Oh, it's an autobiography."
Why is a brick always hard? Because he seen the brick that was getting laid right next to him.
I bullied a kid in a wheelchair. I told him to stand up for himself.
My son's into astromancy asked me how do stars die, so I told him, "Usually on overdose, son."
I got in a cage fight.
The hamster didn't know what hit him!
A Chelsea fan called Timo Werner on his phone to encourage him during his bad form. Timo Werner still missed all the calls.
Your uncle Jack is stuck on the horse...
Would you help him jack off the horse?
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
A guy entered a library and wanted to get some books to read. He was searching across the books, and the librarian asked him,
Librarian: What are you looking for?
Man: I am looking for a book!
Librarian: Which book?
Man: Facebook.
A grasshopper walked into a bar and sat down at the counter.
The bartender looked at him and said, "We have a drink named after you." The grasshopper replied, "Who names a drink Steve?"
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
My cousin just broke up with his girlfriend, and I told him, "Since your dad owns a moving company, you can already take half of her stuff."
Someone told me I looked gay today. I told him that my clothes just came out of the closet this morning.
There was a very lazy person. He saw a banana peel in front of him while he was walking... and he said: “Oh God, protect me from falling!”