I stole my friend's amnesia medication the other day, he was pretty pissed.
But I reminded him of the age-old mantra: "Forgive and forget!"
Him Jokes
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus,
"Please send me a sibling!"
Santa Claus wrote him back and said, "Okay, send me your mother!"
I saw a kid crying, sitting on the sidewalk, and I asked him where his parents were. He then cried even more. God, I love working at the orphanage.
I came across a pic of the oldest man on earth on IG. He was 132 years old.
I commented "age is just a number" for him; now I'm banned.
How do you anger a Libertarian?
Don't tell him the truth.
My bro had siblings who survived they could have helped him at any moment and now we have people around with the last name Hitler.
A man tried to tame a horse, but always failed. The news spread around town that this man couldn’t tame one single horse.
One day, the man went to a bar, where a fairly old man sat next to him. “Well partner!” He began. “I guess your dream horse is more of a NIGHT-MARE!”
It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.
In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.
Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
How do you anger a Republican?
Tell him the truth.
Chris Hemsworth is Australian, and Thor is from space. Does that make him an Australien?
How does Skeletor feel after He-Man beats him up?
Skelesore.
Kevin Woody (look him up)
Knock knock.
"Who's there?"
A man with a drum.
"Well, tell him to beat it!"
This guy goes to the doctor and says, “I think I’m a wigwam, no, I think I’m a teepee, no, I must be a wigwam, no, a teepee.”
The doctor tells him, “I think I understand your problem. You’re two tents.”
Does your cat scratch you?
Yeah, I need [to] give him payback, but now he won't respond.
If my cat were a cactus, doesn't that make him the catus?
I wore a purple outfit to school, and some Indian kid called me Thanos, so I called him Vision and tried pulling the red dot off his head.
How do you get a monkey off the wall?
You jerk him off!
A Russian walked into a bar... Unlucky for him I guess, in Soviet Russia, you don’t walk into bars. Bars walk into you.
Bruh, the cops just arrested a black dude...
Well nvm, they shot him dead.
