Him jokes

What do you call a kid with no arms or legs?

Don't matter what you call him, he ain't coming.

An orphan went on a game show.

The host looked at him and said, "You can't play, this is Family Feud."

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Did you hear about the man who swallowed his watch?

He went to the doctor hoping he could give him something to help pass the time.

What did Siri say when Stephen Hawking spoke to him... Sorry, I don't like Microsoft.

A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.

I bought my son an Xbox in 2017. It’s now 2018, and I’m still waiting for him to open it.

I cleaned my room today. While sweeping under the bed, I heard my mop collide with something. To my surprise, I found Pristiano Penaldo hiding under my bed! My dad said, “Don’t bother sweeping him son, he’s been dusted for years.” I was shocked but not surprised.

My history teacher asked my class what time they would go back to just to see what happened.

I said I'd go back to Hitler's childhood to tell him the lies that he becomes the ruler of the world by starting the Nazis, and leave his death out of the discussion.

Angela: Kris, I just met the nicest, sweetest guy ever.

Kristie: Who is he and what is his name?

Angela: His name is Kevin.

Kristie: Kevin? I remember him. He said he had to go to Italy for a meeting, never seen him after that. What the hell is Kevin doing here?

Angela: I don't know.

I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.

My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"

So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."

Once a man goes to a restaurant. Then, he was waiting until the waitress comes and tells him that they don't have food.

He was grumpy, but the waitress make him relaxing by unbuttoning her pants and undressing her panties and uncovering clothes from her pussy until everything get striped, then she say to him: "Good meal."

An Aboriginal Australian told me that I was on his farmland.

So I told him he was on my cock.

(I'm Australian btw, respect to my American bros🇺🇸)

The gayest person in the world is Pacman, because I can pay him 50 cents to eat 200 balls.

Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.

The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...

I saw a kid crying today. I asked him where his parents were.

I love working at an orphanage.

My friend who is in a wheelchair told me a joke, and I burst out laughing. I told him he should be a stand-up comedian.

I was watching a documentary about how storks carry babies from their previous life to the next.

In his old life, Michael Jackson must’ve been a teddy bear. The storks let him play with kids for a change.

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

I saw a child crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were.

Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.