Him Jokes

A girl goes to a Church to confess.

Girl: "Forgive me father for I have sinned."

Priest: "What have you done my child?"

Girl: "I called a man a son of a bitch."

Priest: "Why did you call him a son of a bitch?"

Girl: "Because he touched my hand."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touches her hand)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call a man a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he touched my breast."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he touched her breast)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he took off my clothes, father."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he takes off her clothes)

Girl: "Yes father."

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where."

Priest: "Like this?" (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)

Girl: "YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!"

(after a few minutes)

Priest: "That's no reason to call him a son of a bitch."

Girl: "But father, he had AIDS!"

Priest: "THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!"

My friend looks more red than Mr. Krabs.

It’s weird, I could’ve sworn I saw the silhouette of a belt hurling towards him the other day.

I pushed a disabled kid into a fire and called him "hot wheels."

If an emo kid and the quiet kid had a fight, the quiet kid would win because the emo kid would hang himself to death.

What hit the ground first in a tree, a leaf or an emo kid?

The leaf, because an emo kid got a rope to save him!

I threw a dodgeball at a blind kid and got him out... guess I can say he didn't see it coming!

Teach a Scouser to fish and he can eat for a day.

Give him the rod and he will stick it in your letterbox and nick your car keys!

The school shooter encounters the emo kid. He reaches for his gun, but the emo kid disappears. He then finds that his gun is not on him.

How do you make an emo jump? Tell him to go to the roof.

What's the difference between Jesus and a painting of him?

Well, it only takes one nail.

What happened when the emo tried to high five a tree?

It left him hanging.

There was an exam music quiz question about Gary Glitter. Now, if there's anyone you don't want to associate with the phrase "shh, turn over, you've got an hour," it's him.

Shit, my bad. I should leave him alone, he just wants to settle down and have kids.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

Some guy came to me and said, "I'm your dad's friend. He asked me to pick you up."

*Laughing freaking hard* and told him, "Did you dig the grave?"

I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!

This kid was crying, so I asked him where his parents were. He just cried harder. I still remember him every time I pass that orphanage.

I was digging outside and I found my child's old toy, so I ran to find him, but I could not find him, so I was searching for about 6 hours, but then I remembered why I was digging......

Jim was caught beating a man up. Brooklyn took a picture of his license plate with her phone and told him, "Your life is ruined!" So Jim took a picture of her, and the next thing you know, he said, "Now my phone is ruined!"

I saw a kid crying and asked him where his parents were. He started crying harder.

The ungrateful brat. I see why he is an orphan.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.