Him jokes
An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.
What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."
A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.
He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"
I went to see my doctor today and I asked him how come every time I have sex my eyes hurt.
He said that’s a common reaction to pepper spray.
Yesterday during the storm, there was a blackout, so I shot him.
If I ever find the doctor who screwed up my limb replacement surgery... I’ll kill him with my bear hands.
Memes
How do you embarrass an archaeologist?
Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.
How do you anger a democrat?
Don't tell him the truth.
She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”
The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”
Mom: “Exactly.”
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn’t matter what you call him, he won’t come anyway.
I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.
Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.
My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.
Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.
She lets him play anyway and I don't.
I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.
It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.
Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.
Why was the orphan stupid?
Because his parents couldn't guide him.
When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;
My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.
It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.
A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:
"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"
If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?
One day I was walking next to a home less man and he was eating grass I asked him if he was hungry he said yes I said follow me you should of seen his face when I showed him my back yard 😂😂😂😂