Him jokes

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)

What happened when the depressed person waved at a tree?

It left him hanging.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him.

Then I waited for the results.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden.

He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, "You have to dig a little."

A guy stuffed some cigarettes up his eyes thinking it would make him see colors.

The next day, he could see only one color... black.

I was taking my dog on a long walk when I heard a loud scream. I ran towards the sound. There I found Penaldo sinking in a pit of mud. I was trying to help him out when my dog said, "Leave him, he's been in the mud for years." I walked away shocked but not surprised.

And the winner of the Tour de France is awarded, as ever, with the yellow jersey.

To remind him what color his piss is meant to be.

My therapist told me time heals all wounds, so I stabbed him. Now we wait.

An action hero stops a man running by throwing a tire at him.

What is his one liner? "I told you to stop running or you will get tired."

My dad and I have been playing hide and seek.

It's been 15 years and I still haven't found him.

A man walks into a store and orders 2 large chips. They give them to him and he says:

"I ordered 2 large chips, not 100 little ones!"

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

How do you anger a democrat?

Don't tell him the truth.

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.