Him Jokes

Today, there was a big test for Little Timmy. During the test, Timmy had to take a really huge shit. So, he rushed to the bathroom. He took a while in there.

When he was done, he realized there was no more toilet paper left. Since there was nothing around him to use, the only thing he could do was wipe with his hand. His time in the bathroom was up, and he needed to finish that test! He didn’t have time to wash his hands. So, he hurried back. The problem was, the hand he wiped with was his right hand. He used his left hand to complete the test, which made him fail. When he got home, his mother was standing there crossing her arms. “Timmy, the teacher had called and said you wrote sloppy on your test. Why is that?” Timmy replied, “Oh, it’s because I caught a leprechaun with my right hand, but if I opened it, my classmates would scare him away, so I had to use my left.” Timmy’s mother glared at him with disbelief. “Timmy, I don’t believe you. Now open your hand!” Timmy did so and opened his hand. “See, mother? I said you’d scare the shit out of him!”

When your friend does a finger-gun and his dad appears behind him and does it too, with the real deal!

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy, then they heard a sound from the bushes. Instead of looking down, they both ran.

Two years later, they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial. They asked him if he has ever been caught. He said, "No, but a couple was walking as soon as I killed a girl. I jumped into a bush. They didn't know I was there, but the man stepped on the dead body but didn't look down, then he and his girlfriend ran."

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

I wonder if any of these people are still alive.

Anyways,

When I arrived at the pearly gates when I died, the guardian asked me how I died. I told him I was just hanging around.

I gave a blind kid a gun. I told him it was a hair dryer.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I once was playing with my friend and Roblox girlfriend, then one day, they cheated on me. I broke up with her and unfriended him, then I saw my mom and my uncle crying!

Me be like: ;-;

Me and my friend are walking, we see a kid. My friend asks him why he's crying and if he lost his parents. He said, "Yeah." I slapped my friend because we were at an orphanage.

Why does Darth Vader always choke people?

Because he wants them to feel what his Sith Lord does to him in bed.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.

Azibo works 10 hours a day in the sun and is paid 1 euro an hour. Thanks to a fundraiser we will be able to raise the necessary funds to buy a whip to make him work twice as much.

So my depressed friend wanted to high-five the tree by the cemetery.

The tree left him hanging though.

A man walks into a bar, and there is a line of people waiting to punch him.

Yeah, that was the punchline.

I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I told an orphan that I watch Family Guy, and he seemed disappointed, so I reminded him that he has no family.

A guy ate your hairline because it reminded him of a McDonald's fry!

Who is yourself, and why do people keep telling me to kill him?

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)