Him jokes

One day I was walking next to a homeless man, and he was eating grass. I asked him if he was hungry. He said yes. I said, "Follow me." You should have seen his face when I showed him my backyard!

Why did Santa stop at three ho's?

Ms. Claus caught him.

When my bro says "YOUR MOM" when I'm talking when I'm at school, and my friend says "YOUR MOM," me punches him;-;

A guy is talking to an Indian therapist.

He had a red dot, and the American thought it was from a sniper rifle and tackled him and said, "I thought the red dot on your head was from a sniper rifle!"

If James Bond is the most famous spy, wouldn't that also make him the worst spy?

Look, Bono is a great guy, but shopping with him is a pain, because he still hasn't found what he is looking for.

She responds: “See that man over there with no arms? Tell him to clap.”

The kid replies: “But, Mom, I’m blind!”

Mom: “Exactly.”

I shouted at a kid. I told him to get his parents.

It was the last time I worked at an orphanage, 🤣.

I saw a little kid crying. I went up to him and asked where his parents were. I got fired from the orphanage.

What happens when a depressed kid tries to give a tree a high five?

The tree leaves him hanging :)

Today, a kid in a wheelchair was rolling around the class to get away from this one annoying kid, so I told him, "Brayden, just get up and walk away."

It’s amazing just how paranoid Hitler was.

In Hitler’s Germany, it was illegal to make jokes about him or his regime.

Come on! Forbidding Germans from making jokes? Isn’t that a bit like forbidding Americans from eating salad?

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a tampon and ask him what period it came from.

I saw a homeless dude and gave him $1.

I saw a homeless woman and gave her $0.77.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

I heard there was a kidnapping.

Don't worry, he woke up in the back of a van.

It was his father's friend who was a priest.

He was just bringing him to church.

I threw a gay person into a fire. Now we call him LGBBQ.

How do you anger a democrat?

Don't tell him the truth.

Yesterday I saw an orphan kid playing GTA and told him he can't get 5 stars because he ain't wanted.

I saw a depressed kid and I gave him a lamp to lighten up his day.