A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."
HI Jokes
How did the hipster burn his tongue?
He drank his coffee before it was cool.
What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."
How does Hitler tie his shoes?
In tiny Knotsies.
A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."
Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.
Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?
Because he got hit by a bus.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
A husband comes home from work one day, and his wife is watching the Food Network. The husband asks, "Why do you watch that? You still can’t cook," and the wife responds, "Why do you watch porn? You still can’t fuck."
Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?
When you hear Michael Jackson talk about his "perfect 10," make sure you hide your 10-year-old son.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.
The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.
The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"
When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.
Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.
What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?
His shoulder.
How does the man on the moon cut his hair?
Eclipses it!
My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was emotionally distressed after a break up and wanted to find some help at his friend's pen. In the end, he was run over by a car, marking a sad end to what might have been a good chicken's life.
