HI jokes

What is a pirate's favorite letter?

You'd think it'd be R, but really his heart will always belong to the C.

What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend?

He wipes his butt.

A man looks at his friend and says, "If you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk, and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt, would you tell anyone?" The friend says in a disgusted tone, "No." So the man says, "Okay, let's go camping."

How did the hipster burn his tongue?

He drank his coffee before it was cool.

What did Michael Jackson say to the kid on his lap? "Just beat it, just beat it."

Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff?

Tequila.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

In tiny Knotsies.

A guy walks into a bar with a 44 magnum and says, "Who the fuck's been fucking my wife?" The room goes silent. The guy in the back finishes his beer and says, "You ain't got enough bullets."

Why did the heterosexual man put a mask on his cock to protect himself from COVID? Silly boy.

I can't find out where Stephen Hawking is from, I just can't place his accent.

Chuck Norris has a bear rug in his living room. It's not dead or anything, it's just too scared to move.

What's Stephen Hawking's favorite meal?

His shoulder.

Did you ever think that John F. Kennedy went for a ride in Dallas just to clear his head?

Why did little Billy drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus.

What did a cannibal have as his last meal?

Five guys.

An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.

When I die, I want to go peacefully in my sleep like my grandpa did, not screaming and shouting like his passengers.

What did the mentally retarded kid get on his test?

Drool.

My friend was a victim of a school shooting once, but he couldn't tell if they were in the library because of the suppressor on his AR.

Why did the strawberry cry? -- Because his mother was in a jam.