Hey jokes

Face-Timing My Girlfriend:

"Hey girl! Are you a veterinarian? Because these puppies are sick!" *shows muscle*

What do you call a person with one arm, one leg, one eye, and one ear?

ONESY.

“Hey dad, how do you kill a star?” - Give them drugs.

A man and a woman are watching clouds together. The man says, “Hey, that one looks like a giraffe!” The woman agrees and says, “That one looks like an elephant!” The man sits up and says, “That one looks like a mushroom.”

Say, "Hey, you're pretty." Then she'll say, "OMG, thank you so much," or something cringe. Then you say, "Pretty f***ing ugly, aha, gottie!"

Hey Gwen... I had a friend named Gwen in preschool.

The preschool was Cascade Christian and in Washington (which is close to Oregon. I read in a chat that you live there.) This is a long shot, but I think you might be the same Gwen. If not, ok.

Kile: Hey, asshole! I bet you listen to trash 50 Cent! How about you get to quarters, listen to him! My favorite rapper is the best of all! How about you go eat a cracker, you parrot nose, fuck!

Remy: I'm... y-y... YOUR DUMBER THAN ANT! I BET YOUR FAVORITE RAPPER IS A CANDY RAPPER!!

Teacher: Go through the ABCs in pre-school.

Me: Hey, teacher, omae wa mou shindeiru!

Teacher: NANI!?!?

Hey guys, I use toilet paper.

Knock knock. Who is there? Poo. Poo who? Hey, I need ta go poooooooooooop!

Hey Max, what's up? The sky.

Hey Explain bear, how would you like to be replaced by #ExplainNibbles the hamster AI?

Hey Hunter, Thomas here.

Why did the plane cross the road?

To get to the other side.

Thanks guys, remember to like it, means a lot!

Me: "Hey, you trashy pig woman, go in the toilet or lay on the grass where you belong."

Trashy pig woman: "Why?"

Because you smell like fart, and you're pretty much just a turd with lips.

STOP POSTING ABOUT AMONG US! I'M TIRED OF SEEING IT! MY FRIENDS ON TIKTOK SEND ME MEMES, ON DISCORD IT'S FUCKING MEMES!

I was in a server, right? And ALL OF THE CHANNELS were just Among Us stuff. I-I showed my champion underwear to my girlfriend and t-the logo I flipped it and I said "hey babe, when the underwear is sus HAHA DING DING DING DING DING DING DING DI DI DING." I fucking looked at a trashcan and said "THAT'S A BIT SUSSY." I looked at my penis. I think of an astronauts helmet and I go "PENIS? MORE LIKE PENSUS" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHGESFG

Hey, I'm not forcing you to learn the Force.

Dad: Hey, have you seen that new movie, "Constipation"?

Son: No.

Dad: It hasn't come out yet.

Hey guys, it's cake time!

If this is offensive to anyone, I'm sorry! Hey, wanna see something funny? Go look in your mirror!

Hey updog!

What's updog?

(Laughter)

Hey, stinks, you know why? 'Cause your butts dry!