Hey Jokes

Me: Hey thats a really heavy bag, do you have a lot of books and magazines in there? The Quiet Kid: Yeah, Magazines.....

I just wish i went on a date with ariana grande and then everybody hey i fuck ariana grande.

Hey mom I'm back from the circus parade, it was amazing! first came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, And then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion, oh and what came after her? Asked the mother, Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee said the boy.

Bf:Hey what ya doing?

Gf:just lying in bed

Bf:just lying in bed?

Gf:and eating cereal

Bf:Ha nice,what would you do if i was in bed next to you...?

Gf:eat my cereal

Bf:i mean if the cereal wasnt there

Gf:id get out of bed and get more cereal

Kid:licks money Mom: hey don’t lick the money it is dirty Kid: is that why they call people filthy rich

Stromtrooper: Hey Palpatine! Luke is Vader's son. Palpatine: Knew it.

Lil Timmy and Lil Susie are taking a bath together. Lil Susie looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Timmy looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car." They continue on with their bath.

Then Lil Timmy looks down and says, "hey what's that?" Lil Susie looks down and says, "oh that, that's only my little red race car garage." They continue with their bath. Then Lil Susie says, "hey, what if we try to put your little red race car in my little red race car garage."

The parents downstairs then hear a bloody scream. They rush upstairs and then say, "what's wrong?" Lil Susie says, "well Lil Timmy tried to put his little red race car in my little red race car garage but the back wheels wouldn't fit so we cut them off."

Son: Hey Dad, can I play Fortnite? Dad: I don't know, do you want a girlfriend?

My friend txted me and asked me "Hey. Whts ur favorit emoji?" I said "😬😬😬😬😬😬😬" She said "why?" I said "Cause its your twin"

A random guy yelled at me, "Hey, sl*t!" I walked towards him. "I prefer slit." I said. "Why?" He asked. "You see this wrists?" I spat at him.

are teacher said for two kids to stare at a wall no resson so i said hey wall dat ass flat like a pancake from mcdondles.

Me : Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds - Them : Your ugly - Me : Sorry I am not a mirror.

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me: 🙄. My depression: remeber that one tim...... Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we..... Me: nope. My deprssion: *says really fast*:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me: 😳😶😟. My depression: 😉 dont worry I'll always be here for you.

I see a kid crying in the park right. So I go up to him and say " hey where are your parants" and he says "well my dad left to get the milk and never came back and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda triangle

What do you do when you run out of lines on your book? You look at the emo girl and say "Hey, can I borrow your arm?"

Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad...to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!

So a guy is evading the draft, the cops bang on his door and he runs out the back and through and alley way onto a road. He finds a nun and asks if he can hide under her blouse, she complies and the cops walk by and dont see them. The man comes back up from under the nuns blouse and says”Hey man, youve got a pair of balls!” The nun says, “I didnt wanna be drafted either....”