Hey Jokes

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.

Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It's on aisle three at the corner drug store.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.

Man: Hey, baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.

Man: What's it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Funny things or weird things to say to someone. Hey...have you kissed a girl before? Weird things to say to someone. Its hard to find friends that 91% Funny 100%Nice and 100,0000 % good-looking. Funny! Weird name to call a girl: Sweetums. Baby-Bugga-Boo.

Fuzzkins. Lumpy. Nilly. Ninty Minty. and SEXY WITCH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!! Gross thats why I am not getting a bf!

Hey girl are you a farmer? Because you sure know how to raise a cock

Bob: Hey bud remember we're going to space! Carol: really? I forgot to planet.

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him. “Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.” “Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

Hey guys Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone he says there name really loud. Billy-Hey guys I just got back from my DADS!! Wait what Billy??

hey i misplaced 2.1 trillion a few days ago on september 7th 2001

Hey, guys! Just a quick reminder to spread kindness today. And treat others how you want to be treated! Rate your day scale of 1-10 in the comments below. Mine was about a 7. Also, can you guys please comment what you guys want me to cover in these little messages? Sometimes it's hard to tell if you guys like that I'm doing this kind of stuff or not.

It was pornography class, and there was a break.

Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says..

Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!

Adult 1: How about I say my abc's?

Teacher: Go ahead, i guess....

Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Teacher: Wheres the D?

Adult 2: Inside me...

Two fish were in a tank. One turned to the other and asked: "Hey, how do you drive this thing?"

Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic. Next, google 'God in Aramaic'. See the results for yourself. <3

A man is walking into the woods with a young boy:

Boy: “Hey mister, it’s getting dark out and I’m scared.”

Man: “How do you think I feel, I have to walk back alone.”

"If all of these structures break we will all die." And I said, "Hey, that is not supportive!" And he said, "It would be breaking news."

How do Asian parents name there baby? Hey drop a pot down a flight of stairs.

Hey guys can we stop making these jokes, If my mom sees this I will never see the sun again. Oh . . . :( continue

Dr Suess Dark jokes HEY THERE LITTLE MISTER IM DATING YOUR SISTER!!!