Hey jokes

"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Yeah, me too.

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Me: Hey, are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"

Friend: Hey, wanna race home?

Orphan: What home?

Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.

In fact, they hang with them!

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Jantje goes on a walk with his grandmother. Jantje sees 1 dollar on the street and picks it up.

The grandmother says: "Hey, Jantje! No picking up things from the floor! They are ugly and bad!"

Then they keep walking. The grandmother slips and asks Jantje to help her stand up. Jantje answers: "No! Everything on the ground is ugly and bad."

Hey, you have something on your chin, no the 3rd one down.

So, some ants in a colony go to war. They want some more troops and know that there are ants that went to wars as well. They call them war-ants.

They start barging into homes to search for more war-ants. They barge into a home, and the lady-ant goes, "Hey, why are you here? Can you please leave?" One of the ants replies with, "I'm sorry, but unless you have a war-ant, we have to keep searching your house."