Hey jokes

Justin: Hey.

Josh: Hey man.

Justin: Why only "man"?

Josh: It feels weird saying the r a c e y names.

Justin: I don't mind.

Josh: Okay, S L A V E.

Justin: Oh no, not T H A T one!

"Hey, what's the Russian president's name?" "Putin?" "Yeah, Putin deez nuts in yo mouth!"

To avoid getting drafted, a young man slips into a nunnery to hide from some draft board agents who are after him. Desperate, he approaches a nun and asks her to hide him.

“Get under my robes,” says the nun. “No one will look for you there.” The nun lifts up her robes and the man says, “Hey, that’s a fine pair of legs you have there, sister.”

“Yeah, well if you look a bit higher you’ll see a fine set of balls,” replies the nun. “I didn't want to get drafted either.”

Fat person: "Hey, what's up?"

Friend: "Your blood pressure!"

My girlfriend called me a cocksucker, but hey, 20 dollars is 20 dollars.

I met a kid at the park. He was holding a picture of his parents in his hands. They had died on 9/11.

So, I went to comfort him. I said, "Hey, I lost my grandpa on 9/11. He was great. At flying a plane."

What did the tower say to its twin? "Hey, is that a plane?"

Ur mum so fat that when she walked into a bar, they said, "Sorry, we don't sell food here."

Dr. Seuss dark jokes.

Hey there little mister, I'm dating your sister!

Hey dude, can you spell IHOP?

Sure, man. I. H. O. P.

Wait, you ate my pee!!!

Friend: Hey, wanna race home?

Orphan: What home?

Me: Hey, are you an orphan?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave me away?

Me: Your parents.

Hey, people don't fly with suicide jokes.

In fact, they hang with them!

Hey, are you suicide? 'Cause I dream of you every day! <3

"Hey, don’t take my toy! What are you going to tell your parents?"

Hey, did you hear about the kidnapping?

"No."

Yeah, but then he woke up.

Hey guys, how was your day?

If you ask me the same question, here's the answer: depressing.

I still haven't made any friends on this app. All I do is read and comment on old jokes or opinions.

Man 1: Hey, I heard you survived a school shooting. What was it like?

Man 2: People were screaming and running everywhere. I was only able to get a few of them.

Husband: Hey honey, words can’t describe how beautiful you are.

Wife: Aww, thanks.

Husband: But numbers can. 0 out of 10.

Hey, wanna hear a joke?

Yeah, me too.