Hes jokes

Why did Stephen Hawking die?

He drove too far away from the wall.

You know how Stephen is smart, which class did he skip?

Leg day.

Q: Why did the blind man fall into the well?

A: Because he couldn't see that well.

What did the chicken say to the turkey?

Nothing, he chickened out!

Why did the Ice Cube complain about being so warm? Because he was dropped on the floor.

Why did Stephen Hawking die when he logged onto Facebook?

It took all his info!

Hey, did you know that Stephen Hawking predicted the end of the world?

Well, not really. He predicted the end of *his* world.

Why were people sad when John F. Kennedy got shot? All he got was head.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because he can’t find home plate.

Why did the baby cross the road? Because he wanted to die.

Why did the alligator see a crocodile?

Because it ate too many humans, and he was sick.

Zozo the hobo has two frogs and a bunny cage from pet expo. Why? Because he wanted a pet, you idiot!

Why is Santa make-believe?

Because he is fake!

POV: An Asian kidnapper kidnapped an Asian kid, and the kidnapper called the kid's mom. Then the mom said, "No, it's fine, my kid got a B, he failed." And the kidnapper let him go saying he doesn't need a failure.

Why did Adolf Hitler wish he had two nuts?

Because he only had one.

My friend's dad died during 9/11. He was such a good pilot, but my friend kept disturbing him, so when his dad died, he said, "It was you who killed me" (to the child).

So the child said, "Yoo-hoo? What type of name is Yoo-hoo, but Yoo-hoo, Yoo-hoo come here, I need to kill you NOW."

Why did the rapper sit on the clock?

He wanted to keep it real with TIME.

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”

And vanished.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"