Hes jokes

I asked my zombie boyfriend, "Does he have a brain?" Because he's stupid asf.

I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.

Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.

But the vet charged me six quid.

Why is Goofy named Goofy? Because he is goofy!

Stephen Hawking died because he lost Wi-Fi connection.

He drove too far away from the wall, and the cord unplugged.

He tried to install a free version of Windows 10.

If you're ever bored, jump on Vedanta, what is he going to do, tell his parents? (He probably will.)

Why couldn't the kid with Down syndrome play football? Because he got all the downs.

What did the dog say when he came home from a long shift at work? Today was ruff.

Why did Jimmy drop his ice cream?

Because he was dead.

Why is Santa make-believe?

Because he is fake!

Do you want to know why I hired a protractor to tutor my nephew in IIROC? Because he has degrees. 180 of them. So he's smar[t].

If a kid does not go to sleep during nap time, isn't he resisting a rest?

He's fat!

Pierre Poilievre has lost the government position he had for 20 years.

Bet he wishes his mom HAD used that coat hanger.

I went to watch Ghost Rider at a cinema in Paris. As I took a seat, I saw none other than Pessi sat at the front row with a pen and notebook. I asked him what he’s was doing at the cinema since there was a big game coming up. He replied, “I’m taking notes from the best.”

And vanished.

Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!

So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"

The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"

She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"

Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!

So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"

So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"

Once a bird went to search for food. Then suddenly he saw grain on a road. When he saw a bullock cart, he said, "That's too far away." Then the bullock immediately came, and the king bird came, and the deceitful bird said, "Sorry, Majesty, I was wrong to eat this on the road." And then he died, and the king bird goes back and tells everybody about it.

"Dog the dog" and Maggie were frightened of her, and the kangaroo said that she had to be in a hospital with a doctor. Jokes and Maggie were walking. I was going to go off the road to the city hall to see her, and I said that the only one-piece dress for women readymade RB collection, as he was walking in the city, and Maggie was a little bit more on the side of it.

Mrs. Kadie, I heard about this Mr. Beast video about veggie burgers. I hope that you didn't trick me again.

Mr. Beast: Today we're gonna be eating a hot tender burger.

Mrs. Kadie: OMG he didn't say vegan!

Viewers: HAHAHA we tricked you!

Mrs. Kadie: That's it Mr. Beast, we're gonna pour blood on your face!

Mr. Beast & Chandler: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!1!