Hes jokes

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Why did the skeleton want a friend? He was feeling bonely.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.

How does a peadophile help a kid with maths? He adds the bed, divides the clothes, and multiplies with the whole classroom.

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

I bought my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday.

He said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

I have a dog named Syndrome.

But it gets kinda awkward when he jumps on someone and I have to shout, "DOWN SYNDROME!"

Government Briefing:

Joe Biden had a meeting with the cabinet today...

...He also spoke to the bookcase and argued with the desk.

Why was the snowman smiling?

Because he saw the snow blower coming down the street.

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

Why do bunnies like Bruno Mars? Because he got 24 carrots.

Why does Michael Jackson like Doge Miner? He thinks it's about minors dressed in doge costumes.

What are Michael Jackson’s pronouns? He/heeeeeee.

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.

What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.