Hes jokes

The CEO of IKEA was just elected Prime Minister in Sweden.

He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend.

What was Frankenstein's second job? -- He was a bodybuilder.

An orphan was running down the road. A car pulled up and said, "Get in." So the orphan got in and said, "Where are we going?" The kidnapper said, "I'm taking you to my house." The orphan replied, "OML, ARE YOU ADOPTING ME!?"

How did the man with no arms commit suicide?

We'll never know - he didn't leave a note.

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

What does Michael Jackson like to drink? Tea-he-he.

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his wife?

He wiped.

A depressed man buys a gun for suicide, but then thinks, "maybe I shouldn't be doing this," and asks a friend for help. He returns with a rope.

When my son was little, he loved to draw. Although he would always rip up the paper whenever there was one little slip up. Too bad he became a tattoo artist.....

Why is the German blind?

Because he's a "not see."

How did Michael Jackson get away with it?

He's a smooth criminal.

How does a cannibal start a wedding reception?

He toasts the groom.

I saw a fat dude wearing a shirt that said "guess." I said 215kg, he didn't find it as funny.

Why did Hitler turn to genocide after a failed career as an artist?

He never learned to mix the colors.

Why was the orphan so successful? Because once someone told him "go big or go home," and he only had one option.

What was found under MJ's pillow after he died?

Billy's jeans.

Don't worry about missing a shot after yelling "Kobe". He didn't make it either.

I told my psychiatrist I was going to go kill myself. He asked if I was paying for this appointment in check or cash.

The woman saw a cute lookin' cop. She had pulled up right next to him and said, "Hey, can I get your number?" He said, "Yeah, it's 911," and drove off.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.