Hes jokes
I finally asked my deadbeat dad what makes him happy. His answer? He hasn't gotten back to me.
Your dad is so smart, he took one look at you and left.
Why did Mozart kill all of his chickens?
When he asked them who the best composer was, they all replied, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
On Paxomedy channel, I made a video of a Rooster and a dog fighting.
I needed to know why they were fighting. Once I dug down into the issue, it turned out that the Dog called the Rooster a Cock, and the Rooster laughed and called the Dog a useless Bitch, and that was the beginning of their fight, and weird enough, the Cock won!
I went to congratulate the winner, but he thought he was insulting me by calling me Zinjathropus, but I said that was a compliment because Zinja was an old skeleton found in Africa, and I am African. I said to the Rooster he shouldn't have fought with the dog just because he called him a Cock. He said that being called a Cock is a compliment, and the fighting was his exercise to toughen up for serious fights with Dogs!
Knock, knock.
(Who’s there?)
It’s the police, ma’am, your son got hit by a drunken driver. He’s dead.
There was a kid crying. I asked him where his parents were. He cried more. Orphanages are really fun to work at.
Bro told me this when he passed away.
I’m “Fading.”
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
My dad never came back with the milk. My mom told me he's in the army.
My dog is a genius... I asked him what is two minus two, he said nothing.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
A guy is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch. He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there’s a knock on the door. He opens it and sees the same snail. The snail says: “What the hell was that all about?”
Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
Because he had "no-body" to go with.
What would Martin Luther King Jr. be if he was white?
Alive.
What does a French guy say when he falls off?
Oh no, Eiffel!
"I work with animals," the guy says to his Tinder date.
"That's so sweet," she replies. "I like a man who loves animals. Where do you work?"
"I'm a butcher," he says.
Where does a suicide bomber go when he dies?
Everywhere.
Why did the man miss the funeral?
He wasn’t a mourning person.
My husband left a note on the fridge that said, "This isn't working." I'm not sure what he's talking about. I opened the fridge door and it's working fine!
When my Uncle Frank died, he wanted his cremations to be buried in his favorite beer mug.
His last wish was to be Frank in Stein.