Hes jokes
My friend and I were at the mall and decided to try on some necklaces. He said, "I think you should get the one over there." I do. I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it. I asked him, "Did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?"
I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."
My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!
And he's not even left the house yet!!!
I added Paul Walker on Xbox...
But he spends all his time on the dashboard.
I asked my friend, "Shouldn't we have 6 senses?"
He replied, "What is the 6th sense?"
"Common sense," I shot back while looking at the kid who was going to detention. "Never mind," I said.
Did you see the blind guy trip on a can?
He didn't either.
When Chris Brown heard he wasn’t the only one to hit a woman.
Stop the cap.
Was threatened with legal action off my postman this morning!! I was stood havin a smoke when he asked if my dog bites, I said no. Halfway down my path the dog jumped up and bit him on his testicles!! Screaming out in pain he Said I was a lying bitch cos I told him my dog didnt bite!! Told him mine doesnt!! that wasnt my dog!!!
What did Jesus say when he was left hanging on the cross?
"Well this is one hell of a way to spend my Easter vacation!"
what did Bruce Willis say after he had a vasectomy? "snip-y ki yay motherfucker"
Why is Peter Pan always flying? He Neverlands!
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut? The baa-baa shop.
Why did Adele cross the road? To sing, “Hello from the other side!”
How do trees access the internet? They log in.
Did you get them? Me neither. I mean, it is worst jokes ever. I'm kidding, I actually do understand them.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
Because he only cums once a year.
Osama bin laden hit the towers because he couldnt fly straight
Why didn't the orphan go to the orphanage?
He didn't understand having a home, even if it was temporary.
How did the orphan operate the phone? He didn't. He didn't understand the homepage.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!
Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
I was walking down the hallway at my job when I saw a kid crying.
I asked him where his parents were, and he kept crying.
Man, I love working at the orphanage.
Why couldn't the annoying dog get on Papyrus's nerves?
HE'S A SKELETON. HE DOESN'T HAVE ANY.
Yo mama so fat that when he was talking to a man, her bowels fell out.
Yo mama so fat that when God said, "Let there be light," he asked her to move out the way.