Is your dad Spider-Man, because he got no way home?
Hes Jokes
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.
The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."
There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"
Boss: Can I do a reference check?
Me: I don’t have a...
*sensei appears*
Me: oh no
Sensei: He was a good student, but he lacked kizma.
Boss: What's kiz...
Sensei:😈
Me: Oh no, here we go.
Sensei: Kizma AS-
Your kid's so ugly he would make a Happy Meal cry.
Why was 10 scared? Cause he saw 9 rape 11.
Did you hear about the gay guy who got kicked off the golf course?
He was playing with too many strokes.
Finally my father came early from office today. I am very happy.
He was fired from his job.
What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"
@everyone.. what's so funny is that JIT thinks he's so "cool" and that everyone is "amazed" about him hating on people who is wayyy above him on the roster.
The pathetic part is that he hates on everyone else's family and relationships when 100% of us have a WAYY better one than he will ever deserve. He was born pathetic, and will die pathetic. So JIT, please tell me what it's like to be such a coward?
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.
A duck walks into a bar and buys everyone a round. He tells the bartender, “Put it on my bill.”
Anonymous: This guy reads everyone's jokes, but why doesn't he answer his mom?
Yo daddy so ugly he want them ice.
Chuck Norris heard that nothing in the world could kill him.
So he tracked down nothing in the world and killed it.
Chuck Norris once went to hell.
After that, the Devil only falls asleep after he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”
A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”
The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”
Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”
I was walking with my black best friend, and he was meeting my parents, and after I got there, they said, "Who's this?" I said, "Well, I own him."
I love telling dad jokes. He always laughs.
In 1941, Hans, a young German boy, was listening to the radio.
Over the radio, Hitler announced that Germany was now going to war with the United States.
"Father, where is the United States?" Hans asked.
His father pointed at a map of North America.
"Aren’t we currently at war with Russia? Where might that be?" he questioned his father.
The man pointed towards the Soviet Union.
"And I’m told we’re also at war with the British Empire. Where is that?"
The father pointed out all of the territories owned by the British.
"Where is Germany again, Father?"
He pointed to their home country in Central Europe.
Hans pondered this information for a second. "One last question, Father."
"Yes?"
"Has Hitler seen this map?"
I read the joke "what we breathe is called oxygen, that is African food" to my African friend, but he is breathing in tears from his mother dying of hunger...
