My Mum texted me she had lost her phone.
Her Jokes
I asked what was her favorite type of magic. She said, "the one you make."
Yo mama so fat, when God said, "Let there be light!" she blocked the sun. Now we call her the moon.
Yo mama so fat, Flash couldn't run around her.
I went up the temp girl and slapped her tests and said-
"I like ya cut, G."
What did the mom say when her child came out?
"The head was so big!"
My sister thinks she's sooooo smart. She said that the only food that makes you cry is onions, therefore I threw a coconut at her.
One time there was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track. A girl said, "Excuse me, can you move, please? I'm trying-" Then the man stopped her sentence and said, "How is your t-shirt so clean?" Then she said back, "Easy, hung it up."
What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.
My mom told me, "You son of a b!tch." I told her, "I may be a son of a b!ch but at least I am not the bitch." She hated me forever.
When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.
So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.
What did the Queen Bee say to her bees?
"Beehive yourselves!"
Why can’t Helen Keller jump out of an airplane?
It scares the shit out of her dog.
Yo mama is so ugly that when Santa came to the house and saw a picture of her, he died.
What is the most awkward moment when Helen Keller is playing pin the tail on the donkey?
Her friends aren’t sure whether to blindfold her.
Why didn’t the emo attend her grandma’s funeral?
She thought her grandma was trying to flex.
Why was Helen Keller slurring her fingers?
She was drunk.
Me and my girlfriend were walking in the woods.
Her: I am scared!
Me: What do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone.
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Did you hear about the fire at Noelle's place?
Her sister is a real Dess-ember!
