Her jokes
Your mum is so fat, when the doctors did her x-ray, the doctor said to her, "I want your x-ray, not an elephant's x-ray!"
Did you know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her Head and Shoulders on the car dashboard.
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
Me: "WYD?"
Her: "Just dealing with a lot: depression, anxiety, and the feeling that I'll never be enough."
Me: "Without me? Lol"
I was driving a car and a fat person was crossing the street. When I swerved my car to miss her, I ran out of gas.
Her: Eat my ass!
Me: Yes, chef!
Your momma's so fat, when I went to suck her tit, I got a mouthful of knee.
A man sees a girl crying and asks her what's wrong.
The girl replied, "Everyone keeps making fun of me."
"You should tell your parents," I replied back.
The girl started crying even more. That's when I got confused and left the orphanage.
Yo mamma so dumb, she put two quarters in her ears and thought she was listening to 50 Cent.
Yo mama's so fat, she thinks the buffet is the starter plate.
Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.
My mom ate my food, so I ate her pet hamster.
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Your mom is just like Rapunzel, but instead of letting down her hair, she lets everyone down! OHHHHH!
It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.
Your mom is so fat nobody can compare her to anything.
Yo mama so ugly, her birth certificate was an apology.
I scanned an emo girl's arm the other day. Now I own her, only 3.99 with tax. That's a steal and a half, woopeeee!
One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?
Your dad left you because he went for milk.
*1,000,000 years later*
Her: Dad come back!
Him: FBI open up!