Hearing jokes
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.
Have you ever heard of hearing aids?
Yeah, me neither.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?
Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?
Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.
OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?
Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.
Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.
Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-
Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.
Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.
Wanna hear a joke?
Your face.