Hearing jokes
What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?
Womxn
OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.
Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.
Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
Now he's a bronze fish.
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Did you hear about Fridgetair
Kelvinator?
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?
Sorry, still working on it!
Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.
Wanna hear a pizza joke?
Never mind, it's too cheesy.
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Donald Trump is so smart he got to take a cognitive test 4 times.
And if you think that's impressive, wait until you hear how many times he got to retake first grade.
Mom: ON THE PHONE WITH CHILD- Honey, is Dad late to pick you up again?
Child: No, Mum. Dad is here, but he is talking about me to Mrs. Lili, the math teacher.
Mom: Can you hear them?
Child: I think... they are watching a good movie.
Mom: Why do you think that?
Child: Because I keep hearing this *HOLDS ONTO PHONE* and clap, clap, clap.
My Mother: Wanna hear the song, "Chloe, your the one I want" on Pandora?
Me: No, I am tired of that song and I am annoyed by it.
Mom: Don't talk back to me like that, young lady.
Me: / someone else? - -gets silent in da room-
Brother: Yeah, this song is very annoying, but maybe better than the Chelsea song.
Joke is here now what do you do if you hear the name Chloe?
You wanna hear a joke about my penis?
Don’t worry, it’s too long.
One time an ant was collecting food. Suddenly, a wind pushed the ant into the river. The ant said, "Help! Help!" and a pigeon heard it. Then, he grabbed a leaf and threw it in the river. The ant climbed on it, and then the pigeon and the ant became best friends. But one time, a hunter came to kill the pigeon. When the ant saw him, she bit his leg and the pigeon flew away from the arrow, and that's how friends are, everybody.
Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?
Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.
A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”
He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.
EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.
WebMD: Cancer.