Hearing jokes
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
Wanna hear a racist joke?...
Donald Trump.
What makes Asians look like they're laughing at everyone? They're squinting before they hear the joke.
It's this girl named Deaf, what a weird name, but I know that 'cause I was ear hustling.
But anyway, everytime I call her, she doesn't answer. I wanna clap some cheeks tonight, how could she hate me when she don't know me?
Did you hear about the dyslexic man who walked into a bra?
Do you want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tear-able.
I just came up with a really good deaf people joke! The great thing is that they won't be able to hear it!
Did you hear about the guy who made knock-knock jokes? He won the Nobel Prize.
Did you hear about the broken guitar for sale?
It comes with no strings attached.
What do you call an ear that's dead? Deaf. Hahaha! Oh wait...
I broke up with my ex girlfriend. Here's her number.
Sike, that's the wrong number!
ooooooooooooooooooooo
What did the guy tired of hearing people joke about rape do?
He killed everyone on this f#cking website.
Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.
But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.
Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?
What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?
Never mind, it was needle-ess.
Did you hear about the new Chinese food?
It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!
So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.