Hearing jokes

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Have you ever heard of hearing aids?

Yeah, me neither.

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!

OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.

Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.

Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.

Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.

Did you hear the pickle joke?

It's actually a really big dill.

Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?

My life.

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.

Hitler says, “Yes.”

Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”

Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”

Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.