Hearing jokes

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

Do you want to hear a cold joke?

Can't. It warmed up.

Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?

It was nut funny.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

Have you ever heard of hearing aids?

Yeah, me neither.

Did you hear about the car that turned into a wheelchair?

Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.

Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.

Do you want to hear a joke about a construction?

Sorry, still working on it!

Did you hear that story "Three Lines in the Sand?" By dickadraggin'.

Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?

Now he's a bronze fish.

Wanna hear a pizza joke?

Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Why could you not hear the dinosaur clap? Because it's dead.

Did you hear about Fridgetair

Kelvinator?

What do you say when you hear someone tripping over at night?

Goddammit, Jamal!

Did you hear about the Syrian guy that shot a bunch of people? He was Robert Kurd.