Hearing jokes

Why can’t blind people sing [if] that can’t hear because they can see the lyrics?

What's handsome and smart, you can hear him and see him? It's you good-looking guys! So sad you can't read this since you're blind. Oh geez, I just found this website and I want to make people laugh. Too bad they can't see the joke.

Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.

Wanna hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.

Did you hear about the needle and thread shop?

Never mind, it was needle-ess.

Did you hear about the new Chinese food?

It is called: “Wuhan Fried Bats”!

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!

Did you hear Biden went to the ER?

He's having a little trouble with his Putin.

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"