Hearing

Hearing jokes

People

I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.

Nut

Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?

It was nut funny.

Boss

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Mother

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Memes

Orphan

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

Blonde

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

Deaf

You know I would make a deaf joke, but I don't think they would hear it.

Paint

Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?

My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”

Snail

A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.

He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.

He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.

Three years later there's a knock at the door.

He opens it and sees the same snail.

The snail says, "What was that all about?"

Dad

When do you know your dad knows you are sneaking out? He hears the loud creaks.

Book

Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."

Bear

What do you call a dead polar bear?

Anything, they can't hear you!

Crew

Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!

Chat

OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.

Cheeseburger

Ah, you wanna read a cheeseburger joke for your friends to hear.

Nah, bro, you're just going to get cheese on your burger.