Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.
When fat people sit down at a restaurant, you can hear the chair screaming.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Your life? Wanna hear a sadder one?
My life.
Memes
Hey, wanna hear a construction joke?
- Sure.
Oh sorry, I'm still working on it :-]
Did you hear the pickle joke?
It's actually a really big dill.
Stalin asked Hitler if he wants to hear a joke.
Hitler says, “Yes.”
Stalin then says, “Moscow.” Hitler replies with “I don’t get it?”
Stalin laughs for a long time and says, “And you never will.”
Did you hear about the new doggy condos?
Apparently they are now releasing!
Did you hear that the cameraman got arrested? He shot a film.
If I wanted to hear beeping, I wouldn’t have pulled my grandma’s cord to live.
"Do you want to hear a joke?"
"Yes."
"Okay, record yourself and then listen to it!"
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!
I would make a joke about short people, but they probably couldn't hear it.
Did you hear that Rushdie has a new book? It's titled "Buddha, that Fat Fuck."
Did you hear about that one guy who dipped his balls in paint?
My friend said they were “Pretty nuts!”
Did you hear about the red ship and the blue ship that collided? Both crews were marooned!
OK, I hear the chat since you can't email for whatever reason.
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"