Hearing jokes
Did you hear about the cat that ate a lemon? Now it's a sourpuss.
Did you hear about the woman who couldn't stop collecting magazines? She had issues.
Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:
Sit-ups: 50
Push-ups: 40
Squats: 30
Do 5 sets.
Did you hear about the "Funny Doctor"?
He'll have you in "Stitches"!
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?
He was lucky it was a soft drink!
You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.
My life.
Wanna hear a skeleton joke?
Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.
Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?
It was called "S & N."
Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.
When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."
You want to hear a joke?
Your mom.
Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?
I think it got lockjaw after that.
Wanna hear a joke?
My life.
Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"
The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.
Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."
Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?
It was nut funny.
Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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A man is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door.
He opens the door and sees a snail on the porch.
He picks up the snail and throws it as far as he can.
Three years later there's a knock at the door.
He opens it and sees the same snail.
The snail says, "What was that all about?"
What do you call a dead polar bear?
Anything, they can't hear you!
Did you hear that oxygen and magnesium hooked up last night?
OMg!