Hearing Jokes

You are about to hear the funniest joke ever.

My life.

Wanna hear a skeleton joke?

Sorry, I don't have the guts to tell it.

Want to hear my pencil joke? Wait, I'm still writing it.

Did you hear about the shark that ate a key shop?

I think it got lockjaw after that.

Q: Did you hear about the Twin Towers?

A: No, what happened?

Q: Apparently, the design was fundamentally floored!

The image shows two side-by-side panels of Violet Parr from the movie "The Incredibles". In the left panel, she is drinking a beverage looking relaxed. In the right panel, she is spitting out the drink with a shocked expression. The text above reads, "When you haven't done any of your chores and you hear the keys jiggling in the door..."

Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a soda can?

He was lucky it was a soft drink!

When you're sitting by the mushrooms and you hear one say to the other "Hey, you're a fun guy."

Did you hear about the song Rihanna wrote about the tin can?

It was called "S & N."

Did you hear about the elephant with no nose?! Me neither.

Did you hear about the guy who drank invisible ink? He's at the hospital waiting to be seen.

Did you hear about the guy who was afraid of hurdles? He got over it.

"Wubba Lubba Dub Dub" is one way to describe how my inner child acts, but yesterday I killed them. Now I hear "Wubba Lubba Dub Dub," I’m drowning in the tub.

Wanna hear a joke?

My life.

Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, "Who's the toughest guy in here?"

The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom.

Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, "Who's the toughest guy in here tonight?" The bartender points to the bathroom and says he's in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, "What happened in there?" Jim smiles and says, "I don't know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket in the toilet."