Hearing jokes

So I'm the cable guy around the neighborhood, and I do everybody's cable. So I walked into this one house, and I noticed a little kid and the mom was upstairs. I was asking where her mom was, and she wasn't answering, and it looked like something was wrong, so I asked if anything was wrong. She didn't answer, so I kind of raised my voice at her, but she still didn't answer, and then I realized the hearing aid in her ear.

I love working with animals, especially when I get to hear their cries of help.

Want to hear an abortion joke, or any joke for that matter? You have that option, and you can thank your mother for that.

But that's a question that will never be heard by an aborted unborn baby, whose only option was death. And that's no joke.

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Putting peanut butter on my balls.

Friend hears in the distance, "Orphans, I have food for you!"

Did you hear Biden went to the ER?

He's having a little trouble with his Putin.

When you’re in India and you start hearing a tick, tick, tick, tick, you run!

I was fucking this girl, and I started to make her cry.

She mumbled things and squirmed, but I couldn't hear her through the gag I put in her mouth.

Who wants to hear the biggest joke ever?

My life.

Did you hear about the nun that got kicked out of the convent?

She got caught squatting on the cucumbers in the garden.

Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's? Wanna hear a joke about Alzheimer's?

You hear about Rapboats' time in prison? He kept droppin' the soap on purpose.

What did the baritone say to the alto?

Nothing, you couldn’t hear him.

Want to hear a joke? Look at the Miami Dolphins football record.

Did you hear about the astronaut that stepped in gum and got stuck?

He got stuck in orbit! Hehhehe.

I was driving when I saw a kid chasing after a ball, but I didn’t have enough time to slow down. Then I pulled over, and the dad yelled, "What the fuck did you do?" I looked into the street and saw the ball completely deflated and the kid crying, "Now I gotta hear him bitch and moan all day," he continues.

Jake, Tommy, and Mike were adopted. Jake got adopted, Tommy got adopted, and Mike. Mike grew up to be an office worker. So you get a new job, and hear something about this guy named Mike.

The next day you go into the office and Mike is sitting next to you, with unicorns and rainbows and stuff. Then, a co-worker comes up and says, "No one told you Mike was gonna be this GGGAAAAYYYYY!"

How many retards does it take to change a lightbulb? None! They are still too busy trying to turn off the dark.

Click...uh Click..........,.UH!!

Confucius say, never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid: you’ll lose every time and only hurt yourself.

(mono gloid? mong a’ loid squeals)

Did you hear the one about the dog raised by retards?

All he’d do is go “Uh-f, uh-f....Ooohhhh!”

Ok, so I know most or all of you guys hate me, and that's fine. You guys most likely know me as a horrible person, which I don't know where you would hear that from.

And finally, I am truly a good person; you just need to know me better. The only reason I fought Tina and Jack was because I was trying to be nice to another guy. Then I realized what side I should have been on. I'm pretty sure everyone on this hates me. Just I'm sorry, and just forgive me. Alya, Tina, Jack, and someone else, I think all are nice people; they just stick up for each other, and that's what I realized. So if you still hate me, it's fine; I'll be leaving this app soon, maybe. Hate makes me sad, even though I use it, but I know what was wrong. I want to join the good side, so just give a chance. This was watersharky's Apologies.

Me: Hey, do you wanna hear a joke?

Friend: Sure.

Me: Why don't churches have WiFi?

Friend: Why?

Me: They can't compete with an invisible force that actually works.

Did you hear about the cannibal that came home late?

His wife gave him the cold shoulder.