Hearing jokes

What do you call someone who’s blond, beautiful, and listens to what you’re saying, but only hears what they want?

Womxn

Me: Wanna hear a joke?

Person: Sure.

Me: Never mind, I was gonna say my life, but my life isn't a joke! Jokes have meaning.

Person: Dear God...

My mother was so sad after my grandpa's death, she went into the bathroom with my uncle, and I could hear their moans of sorrow. She then surprised me later on, saying that she was pregnant.

Why can’t orphans tell these jokes?

Because they're fun for the whole family to hear.

TELL ME YOU'VE DONE THIS WITHOUT TELLING ME YOU'VE DONE THIS.!!! So, we all know when y'all were in school, y'all would fart, but y'all would try to make it silent, but for me, that one day I farted loud, and everyone could hear. Everyone got to blame the annoying kid.

Did you hear they just took Biden to the hospital?

No, what happened?

He couldn’t stop pootin!

A dad and son walk into a strip club. The people in the strip club said he was too young to be in here, so they had to leave. Ten years later, they went back there. They saw a small dancer. The father walked over there and said the woman looked too small to be in here. Her reply was... "I wasn't dancing ten years ago."

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"