Hearing jokes

Did you hear that nursing homes keep returning the new Paul Walkers?

They let the elderly move fast, but then burst into flames and burn the patients alive.

When a deaf person is on trial, is it really considered a hearing?

Did you hear about the exciting new drug they developed for lesbians with depression? They call it: TRICOXAGIN.

What do you call a deaf dog? As you like, he doesn't hear you anyway.

I remember locking my door, but then I went downstairs to hear someone say, "I'm inside your home." I said, "GTFO my house, BICH!"

Did you hear about the new emo pizza? It cuts itself.

You when you face the boss the first time: :)

You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(

You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(

You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:

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Did you hear about the midget who was beaten to death playing volleyball at a nudist colony?

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

Your mother is so fat, she actually went on a diet and started exercising, and I hear she's doing quite well now.

Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?

They couldn't close the casket.

Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.

Light it up blue 🔵

Don't you just hate it when you're the first one to fall asleep at a sleepover, and then you hear, "Prank em, John?"

What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?

Anything you want—he can’t hear you.

Do you want to hear a dark joke? Let me turn the lights off.

When you get suspended from school for giving the deaf kid AirPods for his birthday.

Did you hear the one about the pecan, the walnut, and the cashew?

It was nut funny.

Did you hear about the bisexual from Alabama? He can't decide whether to fuck his brother or his sister.

Did you hear about Alicia's car accident?

She was really drunk and all over the road until she was all over the road.

Did you hear about the magician who did magic with chocolate?

I heard he had loads of Twix up his sleeve.