Healthcare

Healthcare jokes

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

I got kicked out of the hospital.

Apparently, the sign "Stroke patients here" meant something totally different.

Patient: Oh, doctor, I’m just so nervous. This is my first operation.

Doctor: Don’t worry. Mine too.

So, a woman gives birth to a child, and the doctor grabs it by the leg and holds it upside down. Then, he starts swinging it around the room, slamming it into the furniture. The mother tries to get up and starts screaming and crying, “Let my baby go, you sick bastard!” The doctor looks at the mother and stops swinging the baby. He is holding it by the left leg and starts chuckling, “I’m just kidding, it was already dead.”

My grandpa told me I was too dependent on devices. I told him he was a hypocrite and unplugged him from his life support.

Woman delivers baby. Doctor takes the baby and throws it, smashing it around the hospital room, drop-kicking it, etc. Mother starts freaking out, being held back by nurses, begging “WHYYYY!!??”. Doctor holds baby upside down by the ankle and says “I’m just fucking with you, it was born dead”.

Why can't people in Africa have medicine?

Because you cannot have pills on an empty stomach.

Why are there no pharmacies in Africa?

Because you can't have medicine on an empty stomach.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"