Healthcare jokes
Why is there AC in hospitals?
To keep all the vegetables fresh.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Depression medicine and therapy.
GO AWAY!
Doctor: "I have good news and I have worse news." Patient: "Well, what's the bad news?" Doctor: "You have one day left to live." Patient: "What news could possibly be worse?" Doctor: "I've been trying to contact you since yesterday!"
So, I was fucking this bitch, right, and I thought I had AIDS.
So I go and get tested. Turns out I did get AIDS. Now what I'm wondering is where the hell does an eight-year-old get AIDS?! I guess my sister needs new friends...
A woman comes to the doctor and says, "Doctor, I think I have cancer." The doctor checks it out. "It’s all in your head," the doctor says. "Phew," said the woman. "A bunch of tumors, all in your head."
Ring ring.
Abortion clinic!
Where no fetus can beat us.
What does milk and a kid with cancer have in common?
An expiration date.
Did you hear about the guy whose left side got cut off!
But he’s all right now.
My abortion.
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
Nurse: Don't worry, I'm great with babies. Parents: You are? Nurse: Yeah, I always abort them. Parent:... Parent: You're hired.
Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants.
Why do hospitals have fans?
To keep the vegetables fresh and cold.
What’s the difference between a doctor and a pedophile?
The doctor doesn’t enjoy giving physicals.
Old man goes to the doctor.
The doctor says, "The test results are back, and I'm sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer's."
The old man says, "Phew! At least it's not cancer!"
If Stephen Hawking has a heart attack, do you take him to Halfords or A&E?
Where can you find some of the world's largest vegetables? -- In an American nursing home.