New Healthcare Jokes - Page 5

My grandfather said that I was too reliant on technology. I called him a hypocrite and cut him off life support.

Next time you get a call from anybody, say, "Hi, welcome to Dave's orphanage. You make them, we take them. How may I help you?"

Or,

"Hi, welcome to Pizza and Abortion clinic, your loss is our sauce!"

I got kicked out of a hospital once. I told all the COVID patients to stay positive.

Why do they call it abortion? Because they aborted the mission.

Q. What does a Russian girl do when she gets unexpectedly pregnant?

A. Has an abortion.

If you were to ask me, "What is the easiest job in the world?", it would be an Australian psychiatrist.

"G'Day, G'Day...how you doing...no worries, next!"

Let me just remove my finger from your bottom.

Thank you, nurse!

I was dying when I called my sister and she said, "Hi, this is Pepperoni's pizza and abortion clinic; your loss, our sauce. How may I help you today?"

Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?

Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.

What do you call a cheap circumcision? A rip off!

What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?

DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!

Why is there A/C in hospitals?

So the vegetables stay nice and fresh.

What do you call a modern-day plague doctor? A COVID doctor.

Where's the best place to spawn camp at the hospital?

The maternity ward.

So, I was sitting with my little brother and talking about our dreams. "What do you wanna be when you grow up?" I asked him. He answered, "A doctor!" I wanted to tease him so I said, "I wouldn't be treated by a doctor like you." I was hoping he would get mad or something, but instead, he calmly replied, "Brother, I said doctor. Not a vet."