New Healthcare Jokes - Page 3

Why did the doctor turn down the orphan?

He was a family physician.

Don’t have sex. Because you will get pregnant. And die.

Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?

Because they need parents' signature.

What's the only type of abortion Republicans will never do anything to prevent?

A school shooting.

Why did the doctor turn the orphan down?

Because he is a family doctor.

Technoblade: Makes jokes about orphans while in hospital.

Doctors to Technoblade's dad: Sorry for your loss.

Technoblade: What do you mean?? I'm right here!!

Orphans found parents: Who's he talking to??

When you turn off all the annoying beeping things in the hospital, and everyone starts sleeping better.

Yo momma so fat, when she went for a health consultation, the doc told her to make do with health insurance.

I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!

What a negative effect!

A 17 year old pregnant Juanita flew all the way to NY from TX to get an abortion. Initially, she was denied the procedure because she wasn't COVID boosted, but after she explained the father was religious and wanted to be involved, they quickly resolved the threat.

What did the doctor say to the orphan?

"I can't help you with cancer, I'm a family doctor!"

Welcome to Joe's abortion clinic! No fetus can beat us! You make 'em, we take 'em!

What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?

Death.

I will unplug your life support to kill my mum and then give her blood so she can bleed more.

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

When the card declines on child insurance.

Why can't orphans go to the hospital? Because it is a family hospital. Sorry for the long break in between my jokes. I just had some family stuff, but I am back.