What did the house painter ask when he went to the abortion clinic?
"Where do you keep the cans of paint?"
So, I was fucking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in... I don't know what was funnier: the look on her face, or that the abortion clinic let me keep her.
Why do babies cry? Cuz they can't suck very well.
I don't like condoms, but I like gay pregnant X.
If you ever have a gay friend whose comatose, tell his family he/she was a fruit. Now he/she's a vegetable, at least they're still in the produce section.
What do you call a washed vegetable?
A disabled kid that needs a towel.
What do you call a group of ethnically diverse disabled people?
Seasoned vegetables.
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
Did you hear about the mad who got his whole left side cut off? He's all right now.
Why didn't the kid cancer patients like his joke?
He said, "You'll understand when you get older!"
Once there was this Whichdoctor. He walked barefoot most of the time, which gave him impressive calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, and the food gave him bad breath, which made him (wait for it) a Super Callused Fragile Mystic Hexed By Halitosis.
What did the cancer patient get for Valentine's Day? Candy wigs.
A 98 year old man goes to bed on a one layer bed. He wakes up under it...
Timmy goes to the doctor and says, "There's a crack in my butt, doctor." Timmy, there is a crack in everyone's butt, see?
My wife was going to have an abortion and I have cancer.
Ha Ha Ha
I thought it was funny.
What's the hardest part of eating vegetables?
The wheelchair.
What do you call an Italian with an anesthetic?
Ruberto
What is a group of disabled people in a coma called?
A salad.
What itches a lot?
Syphilis.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
