Head jokes
ISIS recently brought out their own shampoo: HEAD AND SOLDIERS.
My uncle died from falling off a ladder and landing on his head (true story).
All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put my uncle together again.
My brother was stuck in a wheelchair after a motorbike accident. He became a swimming champion until I took the VR headset off.
What went through the heads of the people on the 142nd floor during 9/11?
The 143rd floor.
What's small and can't turn around in a hallway?
A baby with a javelin in its head!
Your hairline is so bad that it looks like you have Ironman's helmet on your head.
Yo mama so nasty, she gave yo daddy head, then gave you a kiss good night.
Hey, let’s go, we are heading for the Towers!
Wait, what?
Call 911!
CIA: Where's your head at?
JFK: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
ISIS recently brought out a new shampoo.
Head and Shoulders!
We gotta work ahead, people!
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
Why should you shoot a homeless crackhead in the head?
Because they're basically zombies.
Once, there was a woman who had a husband and a dog. The husband dies.
The dog would always sleep under the bed, and when the woman would go to sleep, she'd put her hand down, and the dog would lick it to say she/he was alright. One night, it was thunderstorming. She put her hand down and the dog licked normally. She heard the dog whimper, so she put her hand down like normal, as the dog always does, he/she licks her hand.
Then she heard dripping coming from the bathroom, so she went to go stop the leaking that might be coming from the tap, but the tap wasn't on, nor was it dripping. She turns on the light and looks up at the roof to see if the roof was leaking but turns out her dog was hung by its head above the bathtub.
On the mirror it said, "Humans can lick too," in the dog's blood.
This is a true story, don't be afraid to look it up!
A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."
Confucius say: Never try win head-butting contest with mongoloid. You lose every time, and you only hurt yourself.
Unless he use Mongolian recurved bow... then you in trouble!
How do you rape a girl?
By doing a tornado kick to your head since you stupid kids like rape jokes!
Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"
Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"
The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:
"Fire!"
Things said by racist aliens:
"Some of my best friends are Green."
"I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."
"You're very pretty for a Purple girl."
"We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"
"Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."
"You 2-headed people are so stupid!"
"No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."
"Get out of my store you grigger!"
"The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"